Drink 23: Honey Milked From the Teats of Zeus

The Name: Honey Milked From the Teats of Zeus                                                                             

The Bar: Attaboy (134 Eldridge Street, NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: I'll get to the name of the drink in just a second, but before I do, there's one important thing I have to say: today is this blog's birthday. One year ago, me and my friends Laura and Ryan were out having drinks when I ordered the Frog Hitler and this blog was born. Since then, I've had 22 drinks in total. Most of them good, at least one not so good, but all have been a lot of fun. I've enjoyed it, I think most bartenders have enjoyed it, and most importantly, I hope you readers have enjoyed it. You certainly seem to. I know I have quite a few regular readers at that point, and it means so much that you have stuck with me for a full year now. Rest assured, I do plan to keep this blog going-- there are so many more bars to go to, and so many ridiculous stories to turn into cocktail names. Plus, I'm going to see if I can shake things up a little bit-- add a few new things to the blog to make it even better (although, I'm pretty happy with this blog's format so it won't be changed TOO much). As I finalize the details, definitely let me know in the comments if you have any thoughts for what I could improve or do differently.

And, as a little birthday present for the blog, I was wondering if people would leave a comment citing their favorite post from this blog! I'm just curious to see which stories and/or drinks have stood out to people. If you need a refresher, you can find a list of all the drinks ordered here.

Anyway, on to the drink. I must admit it's not much of a story, and more of a small anecdote. Basically, in college, a group of friends and I were hanging out when my friend Lexie tried Benedictine for the first time. If you don't know, Benedictine is a tasty herbal liqueur made by French monks because they don't have much else to do.

Some Benedictine monks. They are so wasted right now.

It's quite good, and also quite distinct (its recipe is as closely guarded as the one for Coca Cola). And while I like the taste of Benedictine a lot, I do not like it quite as much as Lexie did. Upon taking a sip, she memorably described it as "honey milked from the teats of Zeus." It's a pretty phenomenal phrase, and perhaps the highest compliment I can imagine being paid to anything edible. 

They should really hire Lexie to do their advertising.

So, there's not much of a story, but ever since I conceived of this blog a year ago, I knew I would have to order a drink by this name at some point. And, since there's no way a drink by this name could NOT be incredibly delicious, I thought it would be a wonderful anniversary drink to get for this blog. While drink names like The Third Greatest Tragedy, for example, sometimes make me worry about how good the drink will actually taste, I had no doubt that a drink by this name would yield something pretty wondrous. It seemed like the perfect name for a celebratory night like tonight.

I should note that the same night that Lexie uttered this memorable phrase, she also told me "You're a liar and your eyes are made of poison," but that's a story for another day.

Ordering The Drink: In honor of the one-year anniversary of this blog, I made plans to meet up with my friend Ryan who, of course, was present when the idea for this blog first came to be. Sadly, Laura was not present as she is happily living on the other side of the country, but she was certainly there in spirit. We also didn't eat any frogs legs this time, but the frogs were also there in spirit. And, for this occasion, Ryan knew the perfect place to go. He suggested a bar called Attaboy on the Lower East Side, which is a very neat little place. Part of its appeal is that it's modeled after a speakeasy-- if you didn't know that it was there and were actively looking for it, you would undoubtedly walk right by it.

The bar's unassuming door. The "AB" most likely stands for "Attaboy," but might also stand for "A Bar," "Alcohol Building," or "Abdominal Muscle."

But, while this is certainly a very cool aspect of the bar, the best part is that they have no set drink menu. When you go in, it is customary to simply tell the bartender your spirit of choice and they will craft a drink for you (occasionally with follow-up questions, like if you want a drink that's citrusy and light, or more spirit-focused and intense). My guess is they still don't make drinks based solely on a name most of the time, but it was clear that they would certainly be up for the challenge. This location used to be a well-known bar called Milk & Honey which operated in much the same way, but closed and reopened under this name (still being run by the same people). Given the establishment's old name, the cocktail name "Honey Milked From the Teats of Zeus" seemed even more appropriate.

A bust of Zeus, depicted here in one of the few times that he was NOT raping someone while disguised as an animal or some shit.

Before ordering this drink, however, I wanted to see what the bartender was like. I ordered my first drink and simply asked for a drink with absinthe (perhaps because I had been promised and then denied absinthe in the last drink I got for this blog). As a follow up, I said I'd prefer a stronger, intense drink as opposed to one of the lighter options. When my drink arrived-- a cocktail called the Peacock made from picon, absinthe, and brandy-- I had high expectations, but this drink still managed to surpass it. Even though it was pure alcohol, it was shockingly smooth, and had a pleasant sweetness which brought out the licorice undertones of the absinthe perfectly, and had almost a honeylike feel in the mouth. Really great stuff. I drank it probably quicker than I should have. Especially after this drink, I was excited for what the bartender would make.

For my next drink, I ordered the Honey Milked From the Teats of Zeus, which of course, the bartender agreed to without missing a beat. He conferred with his other bartender for a bit and, after not too long, my drink arrived (along with Ryan's drink-- another tasty offering which used mezcal at his request).

The Drink:

The Honey Milked From the Teats of Zeus

Fernet Branca
Coffee Liqueur
Topped with hand-whipped cream

Assessment of Drink: This was a beautiful drink. It looked absolutely scrumptious, and I was excited to drink it as soon as it was placed before me. Unfortunately, as you can see, it was very dark in the bar and so the picture above does not do it justice in the slightest. I generally don't do this as I think it's rude in dark bars, but I did take a picture with flash. That picture, however, somehow made the drink look even less appetizing.

What the fuck even is this?

But I assure you that, while none of these pictures really attest to it, it was a beautiful drink. The hand-whipped cream on top especially was aesthetically pleasing and particularly inviting. It looked like a beautiful and pristine cloud...that I was going to inhale as soon as I could.

That's just what I did, and it tasted even more delicious than it looked. This drink was amazing. The best that I can describe it is to say that it tasted like the greatest tiramisu that you could ever imagine. Fernet Branca is an Italian spirit which is usually consumed as a digestif. It's primarily bitter in taste, but is very light so it was certainly not overpowering here, and most likely was used to counteract the coffee liqueur, which tends to be on the sweeter side. Therefore, while this was absolutely a dessert drink, it didn't taste too sweet. Again, like a really good tiramisu should. With the Fernet Branca taking the cloying edge out of the coffee liqueur, that allowed the more genuine coffee flavor to stand out and, accented by the cream, it was absolutely perfect. Because it only had three ingredients, emphasis was clearly placed on the quality of those ingredients-- there truly is nothing like hand-whipped cream. There really isn't much more to say. It was just absolutely heavenly. I had to pace myself and not drink it too quickly.

And, you know how when you make whipped cream, it's really fun to lick the whisks and get that last little taste of the cream? Well...when I finished the drink I 100% licked the glass in a manner much like that. It was super embarrassing and probably really immature of me but I have no regrets. It was those last little licks of whipped cream, with a touch of the cocktail still lingering on the glass, that were probably the best part of the drink as a whole. I don't think I've ever literally licked a glass clean to get every drop of a cocktail before. Overall, not only a delicious drink, but a really fun one too. It was never in doubt, but the mixologists over at Attaboy definitely know what they're doing.

Does It Live Up To The Name: Yes! Yes yes yes! By giving the bartender this drink name, I basically was saying "Give me the most delicious fucking thing you can make," and I have to believe that this was it. And, yes, if I milked Zeus' teats and this drink came out, that would make total sense to me. In fact, I would be surprised if the honey-milk from Zeus' teats did NOT taste like this.

Obviously, Zeus isn't real, but the actor Liam Neeson is the next closest thing, so we should really test this out.

But...that being said there is room for improvement. I know, I can hear all my readers yelling at the screen "MILES, YOU JUST WENT ON AND ON ABOUT HOW MAGICAL THIS DRINK WAS AND YOU'RE STILL NOT HAPPY?!" Well, for one thing, this cocktail existed before me ordering it. As it was brought to me, I was told that this was a cocktail called The Milano which had, presumably for its deliciousness, simply been repurposed as the Honey Milked From the Teats of Zeus (although, when I google "The Milano + Cocktail" it tells me that The Milano is a gin-based drink that has nothing to do with this, so, I'm not so sure they were right about the name). And while I cannot fault bartenders for simply taking a preexisting drink and preparing it because they think it fits the name, I'm always much more pleased when the drink is specifically created in honor of the name. It makes the drink and the name have a much more special connection. While drinking this, I couldn't help but think "I'm drinking a Milano. Not Honey Milked From the Teats of Zeus." But, that's more of a pet peeve of mine than a legitimate complaint.

My bigger complaint about how this drink lives up to the name is that, as delicious as the drink was, I felt there could have been more to actually tie in the specifics of the name. After all, my absinthe-based Peacock drink that I ordered actually tasted more honeylike than this one. And what made this cocktail come specifically from Zeus' teat? Perhaps a drink with Ouzo or something would have been more appropriate and drawn in the Ancient Greek connotations. Perhaps he could have had lightning shoot out of the drink? WHY DIDN'T HE MAKE LIGHTNING SHOOT OUT OF THE DRINK?! I mean, I know this is impossible, but if he had managed that, I mean, wow, that would have been pretty cool. That last example aside, I do think a little more could have been done had this drink's name been broken down a bit more. As opposed to creating an overall ambrosia-like drink, we could have had a more specific ambrosia. One that would more definitively come from Zeus' teat.

Zeus, teats proudly on display

But, despite this nitpicking, I think it's clear that Attaboy was a real winner. And it would certainly be fun for anyone who reads and enjoys this blog in particular, given its emphasis on cocktail experimentation and customization. I went in wanting a drink that was undeniably delicious, and that is exactly what I got. When a drink is as good as that, I can't complain too much. It was a perfect drink for the milestone this blog has achieved.

And, by the way, after finishing my Honey Milked From the Teats of Zeus (gosh, that's fun to type) I did order one more drink. And, fittingly, asked the bartender to make me something that featured Benedictine.

It was also delicious.

Cheers everyone, and please join me as I raise my glass to toast one full year of successful cocktail blogging! Here's to another year with more outrageous drinks to come!