Drink 36: The Psychic Squirrel

The Name: The Psychic Squirrel                                                                                 

The Bar: Flatiron Lounge (37 West 19th street, NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: The internet is a place of wonders. It is amazing to consider the varieties of things at our disposal. You can find anything on the internet--ranging from the informative to the silly to the downright weird. The video below, which I learned of several years ago, is informative AND silly AND definitely downright weird.  It's a video of a woman explaining and demonstrating how to give an opossum a pedicure.

That may sound strange, but the true weirdness of the video can only be fully understood if you actually watch the whole thing. It's bizarre--every second the video goes on, I continue to be amazed that not only does this woman have domesticated opossums, but she gives them pedicures and figures that other people do this too. Or, more applicably, would like to do this too. When I first saw this video a few years ago, I immediately declared it the greatest thing that has ever existed. Every moment of this video is perfect. From her half-joking, half-serious declaration that one should never make moral judgments on an opossum, to her enthusiasm about giving grapes to opossums as a treat, this video is nothing I would have thought I'd need in my life, but I definitely do. I also like when she instructs the audience to never put false nails on an opossum, as if that's a common thing that happens.

After I initially had become to know this video and watched it repeatedly, it occurred to me that this woman has other videos. This is not the only video! Soon, I was learning how to do other things for opossums that I do not have. Thanks to this channel, I now know how to give an opossum a massage, how to cook an opossum a gourmet meal, and how to perform opossum dental care. An important tip in the last one is to not use the same toothbrush that YOU use on your opossum. Great tip!

The woman in all of these videos is, I've learned, named Helen. Or, specifically, she goes by "Helen Hundun Panacea Psychopompous von Hecate, Hound of the Crossroads." And I am a huge fan of her. The first few videos she seems to be earnestly trying to teach people how to take care of opossums. And she does seem like a loving a responsible pet owner--plus, I appreciate that she always reminds people that most opossums belong in the wild.

But, after getting through the more practical opossum care videos, her videos started to get weird. Really, really weird. Gone were the days of informative videos. Now, Helen and her opossums were making videos that seemed to call her sanity into question. Here's one where she reads poetry to her opossum, complete with erratic drumming. Here's one where she reads THREE OPOSSUMS an opossum-themed bedtime story. Here's one where she claims that opossums can recognize aliens in the case of an alien invasion, and she provides dubious evidence. Here's one where she and an opossum go over their Halloween traditions, including reading a list of the departed (on her list is the actress Agnes Moorehead, passed away in 1974). She helpfully tells us that the list can be written in blood.

The thing is, I'm not sure if she's kidding. When you watch these videos, it's like like Helen and her opossums are playing mind games with you. Because in one video she just seems so earnest that you think she has to be doing this for real. But then the next video is so ridiculous that you think "This has to be a joke." I constantly go back and forth and am still not sure. I know that this woman is either completely insane, or is the greatest comedic genius of our time. For example, take a look at this video where she takes an opossum to get a psychic reading. If she's doing these videos as a goof, then she is playing it completely seriously and that is impressive. The videos which, at one point I simply found fun and weird, have become incredibly frustrating because I have no idea if any of this is serious or not. After watching these videos, I no longer know what is real.

Looking for answers, I went to her official website, www.MEpearl.com, which is listed at the start of every one of her video. I was expecting that this website would be about opossums, since whether she's crazy or a genius, it's clear that opossums take up a majority of this woman's time and attention. But, instead, I was surprised to find that opossums were hardly mentioned at all. When you go to the website, you are greeted with the following message.

Pearl of Wisdom loves you, in her fashion. And you love Pearl.  SURPRISE!

You are to be congratulated on finding this site. This is where Pearl of Wisdom explains it all for you. When All Else Fails, ASK PEARL. Write in with your own concerns or simply read Pearl’s advice to others. It all comes to the same As The Tail Ends.

Love offerings welcome.

You will know when the time is right. Meanwhile, tell Pearl what is on your heart. Talk to ME. Pearl of Compassion understands all things and will respond. ASK PEARL now!
Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice. Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

So, I have no idea what any of this means. It appears to be some sort of thing where you ask someone named Pearl questions? I don't know. It's difficult to understand. And I have no idea what any of it means. But, then if you keep reading, you reach this.

I AM A DEAD SQUIRREL WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING and pines to share it with YOU.

Oh dear.

So, this website is, basically, this woman claiming that an all-knowing dead squirrel named Pearl speaks to her and dispenses wisdom. You can read various questions that people have asked, as well as "Pearl's" responses. It's bizarre. And just like watching the videos, every sentence I read of this website just raises more questions. Is this woman for real? Is she a genius? Did it start as a joke but now she is the leader of a cult, either intentionally or not? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS! AND BECAUSE I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE ALL-KNOWING POWER OF PEARL THE DEAD SQUIRREL, THERE IS NO ONE WHO CAN ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS!

This is the image MEpearl uses on twitter.

Sometimes I'll think that there has to be a disclaimer somewhere that says "This is a joke," but there really isn't. There is a "Herstory" section of the website that I thought would surely be her explaining HOW ALL OF THIS STARTED, but instead it's just a really strange origin story that claims to be written by Pearl herself. She even made a video called ME Pearl Explained, but in it, she continues to insist that this is real, although the human who I think is named Helen (this is doubtful--even though it implies her name is Helen on her channel, she remains anonymous on the website, and in the video where they visit a psychic, the psychic calls her Georgette) does confide in us that she doesn't like being a medium for a dead squirrel. "The Squirrel makes me do it" she says.

In the end, I still am not sure whether any of this is meant to be taken seriously or not. And I'm not even sure if it's more likely that she earnestly believes in psychic squirrel ghosts, or if she has invested this much time and energy into such a ludicrous premise. Or maybe she's scamming people--you can send her money on her website. I have no idea. But the world of MePearl is simply so bizarre that I figured it was definitely deserving of a custom cocktail. And, thus, the psychic squirrel was born.

Ordering The Drink: I went out for drinks with my friend David, who I know from college. We've been trying to get together for almost a year now and it keeps not happening, mostly due to my own scatterbrained nature. But we finally got together and met for drinks at The Flatiron Lounge, a nice place with a sophisticated feel in, you guessed it, the Flatiron district. The drinks menu is varied, intriguing, and fun. Whoever is in charge of their cocktail program seems to enjoy creative drink names almost as much as I do, and they have drinks called things like Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. While neither of us got that, David got one called The Birds of Paradise Fizz, which was garnished with a flower which he let me have if I promised to wear it behind my ear.

I was very excited.

For my first drink, I settle on a cocktail called The Dying Bastard, which was excellent. I also noted that they have an option called Dealer's Choice, where they recommend you "put your trust in us & let us choose a cocktail for you." This bodes well for them accepting my weird request.

I ask David if I should order one of my custom drinks. "For your blog?" he asks. "Yeah," I reply. "I've never read it, but I know of it," he replies matter-of-factly. David initially seems tentative about being associated with this endeavor, but, eventually, he agrees we should do this. I pull up a list of potential drink names that I've brainstormed and have on my phone at all times. David looks through the list, and finally decides on the Psychic Squirrel. And, even more exciting, David decides to take a gamble with me, and says he's going to order a Psychic Squirrel too.

Our waitress comes over and I explain the request. The service at Flatiron Lounge is really excellent--everyone is very friendly and attentive without being too intrusive. But, while she laughs and seems amused by my Psychic Squirrel order, she does seem a little nervous about it. "I'll ask the bartender," she says. A few minutes later, another waitress comes to our table, and asks if I can repeat our drink order because she wants to make sure that they understand the guidelines. I explain them again, and she heads off. I become a bit worried, and hope the bartender isn't giving them a hard time, but in not too long, two Psychic Squirrels arrive at our table.
 

The Drink:

David holds The Psychic Squirrel. I decided to give in and use flash because it was impossible to see anything on the camera otherwise and David was very embarrassed to be seen with me because of this, so he chose to close his eyes.

Creme de Noyaux
Creme de Cacao
Heavy Cream
Gin
Absinthe

Assessment of Drink: Our waitress told us that the bartender, named Dawn, knew of a drink called a Pink Squirrel, and this was her own twist on that. The Pink Squirrel consists of the first three ingredients--creme de noyaux, creme de cacao, and cream. The secret behind the drink and the name is the creme de noyaux, an almond liqueur that is dyed bright red. So, thanks to the Noyaux, the drink has a nutty flavor, which of course evokes squirrels, and also comes out looking bright pink (although our cocktails were more white with a slight rose tint). Dawn's twist on The Pink Squirrel, to make it a Psychic Squirrel instead, was to add gin and absinthe to it. As far as I'm concerned, absinthe is a great addition to almost any drink, but adding absinthe and gin to what is essentially a dessert drink is not something that would have initially struck me as a great idea. When you think of flavors like chocolate and almond, your next thought usually isn't "and gin!"

But I was totally wrong. Not only was the addition of gin and absinthe a distinct twist on the Pink Squirrel, it ended up making a cocktail that was far superior to the original. Dessert drinks are tricky--they taste good, yes, but they're not something I would want to have constantly. If I want dessert, I'll just get a slice of cake or something, not a cocktail. I've had some very tasty dessert cocktails in the past, and they're usually undercut by a sharp flavor to make them feel more substantial. That's the case here. When you drink The Psychic Squirrel, you initially get the sweet, creamy flavor and texture of a milkshake, but then there's a distinct and bold aftertaste of the gin and the absinthe that cuts through. The flavors actually end up being complimentary. The cream and the liqueurs help temper the absinthe's assertiveness, while the absinthe help keep the sweetness at bay. And the gin just generally holds everything together. The drink doesn't feel cloying. It's an intriguing drink, and one that I would definitely be happy to order. David even said, "This should be on their menu!" It was a fantastic creation, and my hat goes off to Dawn for her clever creation that I know I never could have thought of.

Does It Live Up To The Name: Absolutely. Even if I hadn't known this was based off of a cocktail called The Pink Squirrel, I would have been satisfied that the squirrel component was represented, thanks to the presence of the nut liqueur. This leaves the psychic part. That's obviously tough to represent, but I think that absinthe, which its reputation for causing the drinker to have hallucinations, helps give any drink a sort of air of mysticism. If I was given this drink and was told that it was called The Psychic Squirrel, then I'd definitely believe it.

Ultimately, Dawn hit it out of the park. She created a delicious drink that not only met the challenge perfectly, but tasted delicious to boot. Even outside the parameters of this weird game I play, I would have been happy to have had this drink. While I only viewed Dawn from our table and didn't speak to her, from talking to the waitresses, it seems like she really embraced my weird order and had fun with it. And the waitstaff seemed to be amused by it too--both of our servers checked on David and I to ask how the drink was, and confessed to straw-tasting it before served. This is the type of drink that I maintain this blog for--because it allows me to try unusual drinks that I would ordinarily not have had a chance to. This was a great outing, and I know that the next time I'm in the area, I'll be making a stop at The Flatiron Lounge.