Drink 36: The Psychic Squirrel

The Name: The Psychic Squirrel                                                                                 

The Bar: Flatiron Lounge (37 West 19th street, NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: The internet is a place of wonders. It is amazing to consider the varieties of things at our disposal. You can find anything on the internet--ranging from the informative to the silly to the downright weird. The video below, which I learned of several years ago, is informative AND silly AND definitely downright weird.  It's a video of a woman explaining and demonstrating how to give an opossum a pedicure.

That may sound strange, but the true weirdness of the video can only be fully understood if you actually watch the whole thing. It's bizarre--every second the video goes on, I continue to be amazed that not only does this woman have domesticated opossums, but she gives them pedicures and figures that other people do this too. Or, more applicably, would like to do this too. When I first saw this video a few years ago, I immediately declared it the greatest thing that has ever existed. Every moment of this video is perfect. From her half-joking, half-serious declaration that one should never make moral judgments on an opossum, to her enthusiasm about giving grapes to opossums as a treat, this video is nothing I would have thought I'd need in my life, but I definitely do. I also like when she instructs the audience to never put false nails on an opossum, as if that's a common thing that happens.

After I initially had become to know this video and watched it repeatedly, it occurred to me that this woman has other videos. This is not the only video! Soon, I was learning how to do other things for opossums that I do not have. Thanks to this channel, I now know how to give an opossum a massage, how to cook an opossum a gourmet meal, and how to perform opossum dental care. An important tip in the last one is to not use the same toothbrush that YOU use on your opossum. Great tip!

The woman in all of these videos is, I've learned, named Helen. Or, specifically, she goes by "Helen Hundun Panacea Psychopompous von Hecate, Hound of the Crossroads." And I am a huge fan of her. The first few videos she seems to be earnestly trying to teach people how to take care of opossums. And she does seem like a loving a responsible pet owner--plus, I appreciate that she always reminds people that most opossums belong in the wild.

But, after getting through the more practical opossum care videos, her videos started to get weird. Really, really weird. Gone were the days of informative videos. Now, Helen and her opossums were making videos that seemed to call her sanity into question. Here's one where she reads poetry to her opossum, complete with erratic drumming. Here's one where she reads THREE OPOSSUMS an opossum-themed bedtime story. Here's one where she claims that opossums can recognize aliens in the case of an alien invasion, and she provides dubious evidence. Here's one where she and an opossum go over their Halloween traditions, including reading a list of the departed (on her list is the actress Agnes Moorehead, passed away in 1974). She helpfully tells us that the list can be written in blood.

The thing is, I'm not sure if she's kidding. When you watch these videos, it's like like Helen and her opossums are playing mind games with you. Because in one video she just seems so earnest that you think she has to be doing this for real. But then the next video is so ridiculous that you think "This has to be a joke." I constantly go back and forth and am still not sure. I know that this woman is either completely insane, or is the greatest comedic genius of our time. For example, take a look at this video where she takes an opossum to get a psychic reading. If she's doing these videos as a goof, then she is playing it completely seriously and that is impressive. The videos which, at one point I simply found fun and weird, have become incredibly frustrating because I have no idea if any of this is serious or not. After watching these videos, I no longer know what is real.

Looking for answers, I went to her official website, www.MEpearl.com, which is listed at the start of every one of her video. I was expecting that this website would be about opossums, since whether she's crazy or a genius, it's clear that opossums take up a majority of this woman's time and attention. But, instead, I was surprised to find that opossums were hardly mentioned at all. When you go to the website, you are greeted with the following message.

Pearl of Wisdom loves you, in her fashion. And you love Pearl.  SURPRISE!

You are to be congratulated on finding this site. This is where Pearl of Wisdom explains it all for you. When All Else Fails, ASK PEARL. Write in with your own concerns or simply read Pearl’s advice to others. It all comes to the same As The Tail Ends.

Love offerings welcome.

You will know when the time is right. Meanwhile, tell Pearl what is on your heart. Talk to ME. Pearl of Compassion understands all things and will respond. ASK PEARL now!
Pearl of Wisdom absolves herself of any and all responsibility for whatever may go terribly terribly wrong as a result of taking her advice. Thank you for writing in and have a nice day.

So, I have no idea what any of this means. It appears to be some sort of thing where you ask someone named Pearl questions? I don't know. It's difficult to understand. And I have no idea what any of it means. But, then if you keep reading, you reach this.

I AM A DEAD SQUIRREL WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING and pines to share it with YOU.

Oh dear.

So, this website is, basically, this woman claiming that an all-knowing dead squirrel named Pearl speaks to her and dispenses wisdom. You can read various questions that people have asked, as well as "Pearl's" responses. It's bizarre. And just like watching the videos, every sentence I read of this website just raises more questions. Is this woman for real? Is she a genius? Did it start as a joke but now she is the leader of a cult, either intentionally or not? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS! AND BECAUSE I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE ALL-KNOWING POWER OF PEARL THE DEAD SQUIRREL, THERE IS NO ONE WHO CAN ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS!

This is the image MEpearl uses on twitter.

Sometimes I'll think that there has to be a disclaimer somewhere that says "This is a joke," but there really isn't. There is a "Herstory" section of the website that I thought would surely be her explaining HOW ALL OF THIS STARTED, but instead it's just a really strange origin story that claims to be written by Pearl herself. She even made a video called ME Pearl Explained, but in it, she continues to insist that this is real, although the human who I think is named Helen (this is doubtful--even though it implies her name is Helen on her channel, she remains anonymous on the website, and in the video where they visit a psychic, the psychic calls her Georgette) does confide in us that she doesn't like being a medium for a dead squirrel. "The Squirrel makes me do it" she says.

In the end, I still am not sure whether any of this is meant to be taken seriously or not. And I'm not even sure if it's more likely that she earnestly believes in psychic squirrel ghosts, or if she has invested this much time and energy into such a ludicrous premise. Or maybe she's scamming people--you can send her money on her website. I have no idea. But the world of MePearl is simply so bizarre that I figured it was definitely deserving of a custom cocktail. And, thus, the psychic squirrel was born.

Ordering The Drink: I went out for drinks with my friend David, who I know from college. We've been trying to get together for almost a year now and it keeps not happening, mostly due to my own scatterbrained nature. But we finally got together and met for drinks at The Flatiron Lounge, a nice place with a sophisticated feel in, you guessed it, the Flatiron district. The drinks menu is varied, intriguing, and fun. Whoever is in charge of their cocktail program seems to enjoy creative drink names almost as much as I do, and they have drinks called things like Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. While neither of us got that, David got one called The Birds of Paradise Fizz, which was garnished with a flower which he let me have if I promised to wear it behind my ear.

I was very excited.

For my first drink, I settle on a cocktail called The Dying Bastard, which was excellent. I also noted that they have an option called Dealer's Choice, where they recommend you "put your trust in us & let us choose a cocktail for you." This bodes well for them accepting my weird request.

I ask David if I should order one of my custom drinks. "For your blog?" he asks. "Yeah," I reply. "I've never read it, but I know of it," he replies matter-of-factly. David initially seems tentative about being associated with this endeavor, but, eventually, he agrees we should do this. I pull up a list of potential drink names that I've brainstormed and have on my phone at all times. David looks through the list, and finally decides on the Psychic Squirrel. And, even more exciting, David decides to take a gamble with me, and says he's going to order a Psychic Squirrel too.

Our waitress comes over and I explain the request. The service at Flatiron Lounge is really excellent--everyone is very friendly and attentive without being too intrusive. But, while she laughs and seems amused by my Psychic Squirrel order, she does seem a little nervous about it. "I'll ask the bartender," she says. A few minutes later, another waitress comes to our table, and asks if I can repeat our drink order because she wants to make sure that they understand the guidelines. I explain them again, and she heads off. I become a bit worried, and hope the bartender isn't giving them a hard time, but in not too long, two Psychic Squirrels arrive at our table.
 

The Drink:

David holds The Psychic Squirrel. I decided to give in and use flash because it was impossible to see anything on the camera otherwise and David was very embarrassed to be seen with me because of this, so he chose to close his eyes.

Creme de Noyaux
Creme de Cacao
Heavy Cream
Gin
Absinthe

Assessment of Drink: Our waitress told us that the bartender, named Dawn, knew of a drink called a Pink Squirrel, and this was her own twist on that. The Pink Squirrel consists of the first three ingredients--creme de noyaux, creme de cacao, and cream. The secret behind the drink and the name is the creme de noyaux, an almond liqueur that is dyed bright red. So, thanks to the Noyaux, the drink has a nutty flavor, which of course evokes squirrels, and also comes out looking bright pink (although our cocktails were more white with a slight rose tint). Dawn's twist on The Pink Squirrel, to make it a Psychic Squirrel instead, was to add gin and absinthe to it. As far as I'm concerned, absinthe is a great addition to almost any drink, but adding absinthe and gin to what is essentially a dessert drink is not something that would have initially struck me as a great idea. When you think of flavors like chocolate and almond, your next thought usually isn't "and gin!"

But I was totally wrong. Not only was the addition of gin and absinthe a distinct twist on the Pink Squirrel, it ended up making a cocktail that was far superior to the original. Dessert drinks are tricky--they taste good, yes, but they're not something I would want to have constantly. If I want dessert, I'll just get a slice of cake or something, not a cocktail. I've had some very tasty dessert cocktails in the past, and they're usually undercut by a sharp flavor to make them feel more substantial. That's the case here. When you drink The Psychic Squirrel, you initially get the sweet, creamy flavor and texture of a milkshake, but then there's a distinct and bold aftertaste of the gin and the absinthe that cuts through. The flavors actually end up being complimentary. The cream and the liqueurs help temper the absinthe's assertiveness, while the absinthe help keep the sweetness at bay. And the gin just generally holds everything together. The drink doesn't feel cloying. It's an intriguing drink, and one that I would definitely be happy to order. David even said, "This should be on their menu!" It was a fantastic creation, and my hat goes off to Dawn for her clever creation that I know I never could have thought of.

Does It Live Up To The Name: Absolutely. Even if I hadn't known this was based off of a cocktail called The Pink Squirrel, I would have been satisfied that the squirrel component was represented, thanks to the presence of the nut liqueur. This leaves the psychic part. That's obviously tough to represent, but I think that absinthe, which its reputation for causing the drinker to have hallucinations, helps give any drink a sort of air of mysticism. If I was given this drink and was told that it was called The Psychic Squirrel, then I'd definitely believe it.

Ultimately, Dawn hit it out of the park. She created a delicious drink that not only met the challenge perfectly, but tasted delicious to boot. Even outside the parameters of this weird game I play, I would have been happy to have had this drink. While I only viewed Dawn from our table and didn't speak to her, from talking to the waitresses, it seems like she really embraced my weird order and had fun with it. And the waitstaff seemed to be amused by it too--both of our servers checked on David and I to ask how the drink was, and confessed to straw-tasting it before served. This is the type of drink that I maintain this blog for--because it allows me to try unusual drinks that I would ordinarily not have had a chance to. This was a great outing, and I know that the next time I'm in the area, I'll be making a stop at The Flatiron Lounge.

Drink 35: The Twin Scouts

The Name: The Twin Scouts                                                                                

The Bar: Nitecap (120 Rivington Street, NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: Despite the fact that about 3% of the world's population are twins, the existence of twins seems to fascinate those who are not twins themselves. Nearly all of William Shakespeare's comedies feature confusion involving twins, and require a lengthy explanation of the events that occurred because everyone's so confused, even though all would have been cleared up if anyone had just referred to anyone else by name. In pop culture, when twins are not presented as confusing, they're presented as undeniably creepy, despite the fact that all they want is someone to play with them.

"We were thinking backgammon or something, but we also have parcheesi if that's more your speed. Our mom made snacks."

But, more than being just confusing or creepy, the most consistent representation of twins in pop culture is that they are identical in every way. The fact that they are twins is generally offered to the audience in lieu of giving the characters any discernible personality.

Like these twins from the show Doug. You can tell which one is which because they have different shirts!

Of course, such depictions of twins are wildly inaccurate. While twins are often very close, they are their own individuals and have their own personalities, interests, and lives which exist outside one another. Surely in real life there isn't a creepy set of twins who do everything together and basically act as one entity!

Well, that's what I thought, until my mom told me about two twins she went to college with. Meet Larry and Terry.

Larry and Terry, in my mom's yearbook.

But when I think of Larry and Terry, I don't call them Larry and Terry. I call them Lawwy and Tewwy, because aside from their matching faces and haircuts, they also had matching speech impediments--infantile R's that I feel bad for laughing at but which undeniably make this story all the funnier. Larry and Terry were practically indistinguishable from each other, right down to wearing the same outfit and having the same haircut. Speaking of their haircuts, they both had matching buzzcuts because they were boy scouts. Being boy scouts was their only activity.

My mom didn't know much about Larry and Terry. the mostly kept to themselves, doing scouting-related things. But she remembers them very distinctly. They were literally never apart and would often be seen walking in the hall together. But, for some reason, when walking in the hall, instead of holding their heads upright, their heads would be kind of bent towards each other, forming a sort of arch between them. My mom and her friends formed a theory that this must have been how their necks were positioned in the womb.

But this was not their quirkiest trait. My mom's most distinct memory of Larry and Terry comes from seeing them as they were studying in the library. They would get their textbooks out, and Terry would turn to his brother and they would have the following exchange.

"Awe you weady, Lawwy?"

"I'm weady, Tewwy."

They then proceeded to turn their pages at the exact same time. They would repeat this exchange at the end of every page, and would only turn to the next page when the other was ready. I mean, weady. This was not an isolated incident, this is just how they studied.

Pictuwed: a gif of a pewson who is weady.

If you don't find the visual of these two guys saying this and turning their pages in unison incredibly hilarious, then I can't help you. Try reading it aloud. Ever since my mom told me about Lawwy and Tewwy, this became a part of my life. If I'm doing work or reading a newspaper, or doing anything that requires an exaggerated turning of a page, then before I turn it, 90% of the time I first say "Awe you weady, Lawwy? I'm weady Tewwy!" and turn the page, giggling to myself. Then I look around and realize that nobody else is there and I worry about my own sanity. 

But not as worried as I am about the sanity of Lawwy and Tewwy. Look at Larry's eyes. LOOK AT HIS EYES.

It's also worth noting that not only were their first names similar, but their middle names were almost identical as well. My mom doesn't remember exactly, but she thinks one of their middle names was Gilman and the other was Stilman. Seriously, the inhuman similarities between them and their odd behavior makes them sound like the Coneheads. That would make a lot of sense, actually.

Ordering The Drink: I was getting a drink with my friend Ryan, who has appeared several times on this blog and was in fact there at What's That Drink's conception! We went to a neat little spot called Nitecap--a great little place that I'd heard a lot about but never been to before. I'd read that it had a speakeasy vibe to it. Apparently it was one of those places that you would walk right by without noticing, because it was behind an unmarked, underground door. I love hidden places like that, and so Ryan and I planned to meet there.

When we arrived we discovered the following sign clearly showing where the bar was.

There's an arrow and everything.

So, reports of how secretive Nitecap is were fairly exaggerated--it even had a big red sign outside the storefront. My guess is it USED to be secluded away, but then nobody would go in, so they decided to scrap that and go ahead and let people know they were there. But, even with these changes, once you go inside it still has the speakeasy feel. It's very dark and atmospheric--you really do feel like you're in some hidden, unknown spot.

As part of this atmosphere, it was really, really dark in Nitecap, and I hate taking flash pictures in dark bars because I think it's obnoxious. So I didn't get any pictures of the very hip interior. And I also didn't get any pictures of my first drink, which is a shame because it was great. It was called the See No Evil, and was served in a glass in the shape of a monkey covering its eyes. It was delicious, and it summed up what I think the idea behind Nitecap really is. The bar feels very sophisticated and cool, but has lots of touches of fun and whimsy. Along with things like a drink served in a monkey, the menu itself was almost childlike, with a wacky, bright red font, and past menus have had things like word searches and "spot the difference" pictures. It's a fun place, but they also know their mixed drinks and the menu, which divides their drinks into various categories by type of cocktail, features twists on classic cocktails, and shows a keen eye for the history of mixology. It's the type of place that cocktail experts will appreciate, but those who know nothing about cocktails will enjoy just as much.

After I finished my monkey drink, I asked our waiter if the bartender would make me a drink called the Twin Scouts. I had actually never considered using Lawwy and Tewwy as inspiration for a drink, so the name came at Ryan's suggestion.

Ryan at the top of the stairs leading to Nitecap. You'we the best, Wyan!

In not too long, my dwink was weady, and the Twin Scouts was placed on my table.

The Drink:
Laphroaig Scotch Whiskey
Famous Grouse Scotch Whiskey
Passion Fruit
Pineapple Juice
Lime juice
Garnish with pineapple (both the fruit and the leaves), maraschino cherry, and a cocktail umbrella

(I know I said I don't like to take pictures in dark bars, but...I had to get a picture of this absurd garnish. I'd already taken a few sips, and eaten the pineapple and cherry, but...just look at that umbrella and those pineapple leaves! Amazing. It was like drinking a tropical forest.)

Assessment of Drink: This was great--an unsurprisingly tropical drink, given the ingredients and the colorful garnish. Passion fruit is a fairly dominant flavor, and sure enough, it's the first thing you taste. At my first sip, I thought the passion fruit was actually too overpowering, and that it had drowned out the two scotches. I was wrong, though--the scotch was definitely there, but would kind of sneak up on you. Instead of being the dominant flavor, you'd get a distinct flavor of scotch as an aftertaste. This was a very pleasant surprise, with whiskey being the flavor that lingered on your tongue. This aftertaste also prevented the drink from being too sweet. Ultimately, it was a fun drink that is deceptively complex. It's a drink that you'll like whether you like to drink straight scotch or margaritas.

Does It Live Up To The Name: Sure. When the waiter brought the drink to our table, he initially just said "There are two types of whiskey," and didn't specify the type until afterwards. I hadn't thought too much about the name, but this is an obvious and clever solution--by having two varieties of whiskey, the "Twin" part of the drink's name is already taken care of.

I'm less sold on how this drink conveys the Scout part. The drink was distinctly tropical in flavor, and there's really nothing tropical about the scouts.

"This badge is for the limbo. And this badge is for surfing. And this badge is for a complete lack of a suntan. And this badge is for..."

The waiter actually explained why there was a tropical theme. Not sure what sort of drink I wanted, the bartender knew I had ordered the See No Evil already, which also has a bit of a tropical bent, so he had stayed in that theme. That still doesn't explain how the "Scouts" were represented in this drink. Maybe, because it had two scotches in it, and Scotch kind of sounds like Scout? Maybe he actually thought I was asking for a Twin Scotch--it wouldn't be the first time a bartender had misheard my drink order. But, no matter what, the Scout aspect is, I think, definitely missing from the drink, and that holds me back from being 100% sold on thinking this drink matches the name. Scouts, after all, have pretty much nothing to do with passion fruit.

But, despite this, I still was a big fan of the drink, and of Nitecap as a bar. It's a great, semi-secret place and I would definitely return. Next time I'm in the area and someone asks where's a good place to get a drink, I'll certainly be weady with a suggestion.