Drink 37: The Fancy Giraffe

The Name: The Fancy Giraffe                                                                                 

The Bar: Reunion Surf Bar (357 West 44th st., NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: This story is a tough one to write, because this drink name is hard to explain. Or, rather, it's easy to explain, but the explanation is kind of stupid. I'll give it my best shot, though!
 

I've mentioned before how I'm a toy salesman. The main product that I demonstrate is called the Marvin's Magic Drawing Board. It's a cool product where you can draw with, as I say in my pitch, "No paints, no markers, no crayons, and most importantly NO MESS!" Members of my generation will probably remember the infomercials that ran on Nickelodeon.

The drawing board comes with a little plastic stylus. As you can see in the video, it's a versatile tool and you can do lots of things with it. One of the most fun things to do is make bow ties. You can see it in the video, but here's the bow tie on a drawing of a penguin I made.

I'm so talented!

One of the main joys of my job is the people I have gotten to meet. One of the great people I've met through this job is my friend Nick, who used to work with me at the iconic (and now, sadly, closed) FAO Schwarz. During his spare time, Nick would often come over and we'd chat and sometimes draw on the board. Nick's favorite thing to draw was bow ties--and I can understand why. It's hard to explain, but for some reason drawing bow ties on the magic drawing board is very relaxing. It's the type of small action that can somehow feel very satisfying when you're stuck in the horror of working retail.

One fateful day, Nick came over and drew a single bow tie on my board. He looked at his drawing, then looked at me, and decisively declared, "It's a giraffe." Then he walked away.

A recreation of Nick's artistic accomplishments.

For some reason this struck both of us as being completely hilarious. I'm not sure why we found this so funny. I mean, sure, bow ties are a very distinct shape and are decidedly not the shape of a giraffe, but...on its own that's really not that funny (and, I just found out, is apparently a reference to Spongebob Squarepants). It's just weird. But it caught on. Ever since that day, we became fairly invested in the idea that bow ties are, in fact, giraffes. Day after day, Nick would come over and we would draw bow ties on the board. "Look, a herd of giraffes," we'd say. Soon, the words "bow tie" and "giraffe" became synonymous. If we saw a giraffe NOT wearing a bow tie (or, more accurately, a giraffe stuffed animal, considering we were in a toy store and not on the plains of Africa) we insisted to each other that the giraffe was not, in fact, a giraffe. Not until it was wearing a bow tie. We took this very seriously, and still do.

The aforementioned herd of giraffes.

I told you this one is hard to explain. But that's all there is to it--we for some reason decided that a bow tie shape was, in our mind, an abstract depiction of a giraffe. We've tried to explain this to other people. No one has ever really understood.

But ultimately, that's part of what makes our bow tie-giraffe joke so special. Like the best inside jokes, it doesn't really make sense. Each bow tie that we call a giraffe is a physical manifestation of our compatible weirdness. It doesn't have to make sense--we both accept that a bow tie and a giraffe are the same thing and that's it. 

And, in case you don't understand how seriously we take this joke, for his birthday, I bought Nick and myself matching giraffe-print bow ties.

I knew this drink name would be hard to explain--and I can't really objectively tell if I've explained it at all. So if you're thinking "Huh?" I'm sorry and you can just skip to the "ordering the drink" section and you can hopefully be amused by the image of a giraffe in a tuxedo with a monocle or something. But, Nick and I had been planning on getting a drink for a while, and when it came time to choose a cocktail name, we both agreed that the bow tie-giraffes simply had to be represented. And we settled on the name "The Fancy Giraffe" because bow ties are fancy. Although, the idea of a giraffe wearing a bow tie is mind-boggling because then it's a giraffe wearing ANOTHER giraffe.
 

I searched for images of a giraffe wearing a bow tie, fully expecting to find nothing, but then I found this picture and for some reason Russell Crowe is there and now I'm incredibly confused.

Ordering The Drink: A couple weeks ago, Nick and I were going to be meeting a couple of friends later in the day. We were meeting our friends in Queens, but Nick and I were together in Midtown and we still had a couple of hours before we had to leave, so we decided to kill some time. There was just one problem: this was in the middle of a huge rainstorm.

It was seriously a downpour. I had an umbrella with me, but I still got completely soaked thanks to the copious amounts of wind and rain. We wanted to get indoors and out of the rain, and it occurred to us that we could hop into a bar somewhere. We were walking along 9th avenue, desperately trying to find somewhere that didn't look too crowded. And, like an oasis in a desert (or, I guess a rainforest) we saw a giant surfboard sitting outside a building, announcing a bar inside called Reunion. "Good enough," Nick and I thought as we went towards the surfboard and ducked into the building. It turned out that Reunion was a surfing-themed bar hidden in the basement of an office building, very much secluded from the hustle and bustle of Times Square.

Reunion's surfboard sign beckoned us with a solid roof and many libations.

Before visiting Reunion, I would have thought that a surfing-themed bar would have been pretty cheesy. Especially in the heart of New York City, where surfing is very much not a commonplace activity, I would have thought the theme would have felt disingenuous. But Reunion actually was a very cool and classy place. The theme was certainly evident, but the decor was more fun and lively than tacky, and for a bar that we ducked into primarily to escape the rain, I was quite impressed. Nick and I both agreed that this place was very cool.

The main bar area is very fun and boisterous. Drink menus were written on surfboards, and there were fun phrases written on the walls like "Save a wave, ride a surfer." There were lots of elements that easily could have felt kitschy, but everyone inside seemed to be having such a great time, that they just ended up seeing delightful. And most importantly, it was happy hour! We did a specialty shot the bar offers called an Acid Drop that was made with grapefruit vodka and was quite refreshing.

Nick, about to drop acid.

After we dropped acid, I asked the bartender if he'd be willing to make me a drink based on a custom name. The bartender was exactly the type of person you'd think would be working at a surf bar. He had that California bro vibe, complete with the long hair and relaxed attitude. I thought surely someone who projects such a go-with-the-flow attitude would accept this challenge with relish, and sure enough, after I placed my order, he laughed and said "Okay!" But, while it was clear that he was very capable at tending bar, he seemed a little bit unsure of how to approach crafting The Fancy Giraffe. He looked a bit nervous and I started to think, "I hope this isn't too much of a challenge. After all giraffes don't exactly come to mind when one thinks of cocktails."

I turned away from the bar to talk to Nick, and after not too long, Nick started to laugh. "I think your drink is ready," he said, and I turned around. Our bartender had a huge grin on his face. In his hands he held a drink with an enormous straw sticking out of it--clearly the neck of the giraffe.

"Awesome," I said.

"YEAH!" our bartender replied.

The Drink:

I hold the Fancy Giraffe and its long, long neck.

Rum
Sherry
Orange Juice
Orange Bitters
Served with a really, really, really, really long straw

Assessment of Drink: This was really cool. The straw was absolutely ridiculous, but made this drink immediately fun to drink. It was wildly impractical--the drink was hard to hold and it was unwieldy, but it was so delightful. I already loved this drink before I'd even tried it.

And then I tried it, and I still loved it! The rum was unsurprising--most of their specialty cocktails are rum-based, which isn't surprising given its theme. And rum and orange is a nice and classic combination. A lesser bartender would have just made me a Screwdriver, stuck a giant straw in it, and called it a day. But our bartender took it a step further--by adding the orange bitters, the orange flavor felt far more complex than it otherwise would have been with just the juice--it gave the drink a full orange flavor as opposed to being overly sweet. The citrus was bright and had a nice tartness to it.

A blurry shot of our California bro bartender, who crafted this excellent drink.

But the secret here was the sherry. Sherry has a very rich and sweet flavor--and is often sipped on its own. But incorporating it into the cocktail added an extra dimension to it. It made the whole thing feel richer, and gave it more substance than it would have had with just the rum and orange. It gave the cocktail a feeling of dimension and balance and, yes, fanciness.

Does It Live Up To The Name: This isn't the first animal-themed drink I've had which utilized the presentation of the drink to its advantage--I previously had a Pink Elephant which was served in a giant jug. Honestly, if the straw was the only thing that implied giraffe, it would have been enough.

It was even tied up in a way that could have arguably been meant to represent a giraffe's head. Or that might have been how the straw already was, I'm not sure.

But there was even more to it than that. The color of the drink was great--it had the same hue as a giraffe's skin. And the fanciness was evident. The sherry was truly brilliant: it not only made the drink taste better, but it made it taste fancier. Looking around Reunion, I would never have expected a truly fancy drink, but The Fancy Giraffe 100% delivered. I found out afterwards that Reunion had a secret weapon: off to the side of the main bar area, there's a more secluded and quiet alcove that offers a more sophisticated approach, and even has a beautiful-looking wine cellar that is bizarrely incongruous with the rest of the bar's surf theme.

Dude, after a day of catching waves, I like to relax with a nice chardonnay.

The drink was fancy and, with the orange color and long-necked straw, it LOOKED like a giraffe. And since it tasted so good, I'd say the drink was an all-around success.

I'd never heard of Reunion before stepping in to get out of the rain. But, it's somewhere I'd definitely return to. For one thing, it's a lot cheaper and more casual than many of the bars in midtown, and it's a really cool place. It was a surprise find, and a hidden gem I'm glad to have discovered.

Drink 29: Picasso's Pigeons

The Name: Picasso's Pigeons                                                                                

The Bar: The Raines Law Room (48 West 17th St., NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: Last year, I was lucky enough to get to travel to Barcelona. It's an absolutely beautiful city, and it was a truly thrilling trip. Of the many wondrous things to see in Barcelona, one of the highlights is undoubtedly the Picasso Museum. Which is exactly what it sounds like: a museum dedicated to Pablo Picasso. It's definitely worth a visit. After all, Picasso was (and I know this might be an unpopular opinion) pretty good at art. But beyond showcasing Picasso's works, the museum does a wonderful job of painting its own picture of who Picasso was as a person. One of the most interesting parts of the museum was the very beginning where we see sketches that Picasso made while a student in art school, and we can see that his technique is perfect. It turns out the man known for rearranging faces had a wonderful gift for realistic portraiture as well. It makes sense: to be able to break the rules you must first understand them. As you go through the museum, you essentially watch how Picasso found his own distinct style and it's pretty thrilling to watch.

The museum's proudest accomplishment is that it contains the entirety of Picasso's Las Meninas series, making it the only place where an entire Picasso series is displayed in its entirety. It's rather remarkable, but as amazing as it was to see the entirety of Las Meninas together, I was far more fascinated by the paintings that he created upon finishing that series. See, Picasso was already adored and respected by the time Las Meninas was finished, and was rightfully recognized as a genius. So, what did he do immediately after this 58-painting project was done?

He painted pigeons. Specifically, the pigeons on his windowsill. After all of this remarkable artistry, his follow-up was...pigeons.

Pigeons.

The pigeon series paintings are also on display, and are especially funny to see after all of the fanfare that accompanies the Meninas paintings. The subject matter is so mundane, so seemingly uninspired. Like something that a former president would paint in their spare time.

But, I can hear you right now. You're saying "This is Picasso! Surely he painted some really great pigeons! Surely his pigeons were the greatest pigeons of all time!"

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is one of his pigeon paintings.

© Pablo Picasso

Look at that. LOOK AT THAT! That's shit, right? That's really really bad. Unless you are nine years old or younger (in which case stop reading blogs about cocktails) then YOU could do better than this.

And unless you think that this is a mistake, they're all like this.

Sometimes Spanish pigeons are sideways. And have eight legs.

 LOOK AT THIS! It looks, at best, like he simply didn't finish. At worst, it looks like one of these inspirational pigeons just took a shit on the canvas and he put eyes on it and called it art.

Here's one that's slightly better than the last two.

Like I said, slightly.

Here there's more effort involved, and a little bit of texturing, but...it's still not something I would attribute to one of the greatest artists who ever lived. The other ones looked like something a five year old made. This looks like something a five year old who's good at art would make.

I found the "pigeon room" of the museum absolutely hilarious. Museums aren't known for their senses of humor, and sure enough, there was text on the wall describing the pastoral themes in these works, all the while ignoring that Picasso had just put some blobs on the canvas and called it art. So, these were treated with as much seriousness and hallowed reverence as the other recognized masterpieces in the museum's possession. I couldn't stop laughing. The security guards kept shooting me mean looks.

Look, I don't know anything about art. Maybe there's some really amazing talent on display here, but...it's Pablo Picasso. You cannot tell me that he put effort into these. Here's a painting he made called The Old Guitarist which one of my absolutely favorite paintings. Just look at the emotion and feeling conveyed here.

Now here is a closeup of some of his pigeons, painted almost 50 years later.

I am convinced that these pigeon paintings were done as some sort of test. A sort of Emperor's New Clothes type of deal. Picasso finished his Las Meninas series and was tired and just kinda wanted to coast and went "You know, I bet I could paint some really shitty pigeons and just because I am Picasso, everyone will think they're brilliant." And that's what happened! I'm not even convinced he MADE these. I think he might have given them to a small child just to see what would happen. Regardless, there's clearly something at play here. This can't have been a serious attempt at art.

"Oh, you don't like my pigeon paintings? Me? Pablo Picasso? You dare to criticize the work of Pablo Picasso? You think you know more about art than Pablo Picasso? Now let me ask you one more time: do you like my pigeon paintings? Oh, you love them?! That's wonderful to hear!"

Needless to say, the terrible pigeons were my favorite part of the museum. Which makes me feel a little bad, but I do promise I loved the whole museum but...this...this VERY obvious prank on Picasso's part was simply too much. There's no way he didn't make these just to see what people would say. There's just no way.

I loved them so much that my only souvenir from all of Barcelona is a silk tie from the Picasso Museum. Mostly blue, at the bottom there is a tiny graphic of, you guessed it, two of Picasso's pigeons. Just sort of sitting there. In a very blobbish sort of way.

I had a great time in Barcelona. It is a very dignified and culturally rich city, filled with history and artistic beauty. It truly is one of the most awe-inspiring places I could ever imagine. And it introduced me to Picasso's pathetic pigeon paintings and that is the greatest gift the city could have ever given me. I love them so much.

The second greatest gift Barcelona could have ever given me is Patatas Bravas.

Ordering The Drink: While having drinks with Arun, who fans of this blog will surely remember, we made our way to one of my favorite bars in the city: The Raines Law Room. The cocktails program is truly fantastic. It features an expansive and ever-changing menu of both seasonal and classic cocktails. Rooted in a very traditional cocktail approach, the Raines Law Room is innovative and sophisticated--I would be willing to bet that it would be impossible to get a bad drink here. They clearly know what they're doing, and it truly is one of my favorite places to go. I don't know why it has taken me so long to order a What's That Drink drink here--maybe because whenever I go there are several drinks on the menu that I'd rather try.

But even if the cocktails weren't as good as they are, The Raines Law Room would be one of my favorite bars in the city. Named after a liquor tax during the prohibition era, The Raines Law Room is a classic speakasy. Located underground and under an unmarked awning, to get in, you must press a buzzer which signals a bouncer to come in and secretly ask you how many in your party. Depending on how busy it is, you are soon escorted in and find yourself in a beautiful and very cool room that is exactly what you hope a speakasy would be. Plus, around most of the searing areas, there are curtains, so as you would expect from a old-fashioned speakasy, you can have privacy if you'd like. And even without drawing the curtains, it's a very intimate setting, where you can feel separate from the rest of the bar and actually have a conversation with the people you're with. Which is fairly rare even in the more upscale bars in New York.

This: but more crowded and more dimly lit.

The Raines Law Room is not just a good bar, it's a trip back in time. You feel transported to another era with both the surroundings and the drinks. It's one of the best bar experiences in the city--I truly can't recommend it enough. I was excited to return, and was excited to challenge the skilled bartenders with the Picasso's Pigeons. I was sure to wear my Picasso tie for the occasion.

After our first round of drinks (excellent as always) I placed my order for the Picasso's Pigeons. Arun had been considering also ordering a custom drink, but ended up ordering off of the menu. Because, again, there are a lot of cocktails offered and if you look at the menu you will want to drink every single one.

The Drink:

Zacapa Rum

Sherry

Chocolate Mole Bitters 

Maraschino cherry

Assessment of Drink: I tried to take a picture but, as one would expect in a prohibition-style speakeasy, The Raines Law Room is rather dimly lit, so the picture didn't really turn out well. This was the best I could do.

It's especially unfortunate that my subpar camera could not get a picture because it was a very attractive drink: a beautiful reddish-brown color. As you can tell from the drink description, it was a pretty simple drink, and the star was undoubtedly the Zacapa rum, as it should be. Zacapa is one of the best premium rums out there, and while I would have happily had it on its own, the Raines Law Room knew exactly how to showcase it and elevate it. The sherry was a nice touch. Zacapa is aged and blended in a distinct method called the Solera method, which involves four barrels--and Zacapa in particular incorporated barrels that were once used to make and store sherry. The addition of more sherry was whimsical and highlighted the sweet wine flavors inherent in the rum already. Similarly, while chocolate mole bitters can have a, well, bitter flavor, in this case, I actually felt the chocolate's sweetness came to the forefront. As such, we had a wonderfully smooth drink, definitely sweet, but with a more rounded and pleasantly spicy aftertaste. This drink took the already excellent product of Zacapa and incorporated it into a drink that was even greater than the sum of its parts. In fact, the best thing I can think to say is that this drink made a case for what is so great about cocktails: that combining alcohols can accentuate their flavors and further our appreciation for them.

Does It Live Up To The Name: This drink is immediately appropriate for the name due to its Spanish influences. Sherry is, of course, Spanish, and while Zacapa rum is Guatemalan, its distinct Solera method of blending is a decidedly Spanish technique. So, if I was told that this drink was called "Picasso's Pigeons" I'd definitely understand why and not question it. So, The Raines Law Room unquestionably passes the name test.

Of course, the "pigeons" part was completely missing. The drink Arun had ordered first was called "The Three Little Birds" and was also rum based, so I briefly thought that maybe the rum was meant to connect the pigeons and the birds of that drink's name, but...that was clearly reaching. And, frankly, there was nothing in this drink to tie it in to Picasso in particular: any Spanish celebrity would have been just as appropriate. But, as I considered the name more and more, I struggled to think of what they could have done better. As a New Yorker, I don't particularly want to think of pigeons any more than I already have to, and while there is a brand of rum called Pink Pigeon that could have perhaps been used...I obviously am not complaining about being served as wonderful a product as Zacapa. And how exactly would I want them to make Picasso clearer? By making the drink blue to represent his Blue Period? Sure, a blue drink isn't necessarily a bad one, but...I definitely would have been surprised and kind of disappointed to be served one in a place as sophisticated and dignified as The Raines Law Room. So, ultimately, I have to give the Picasso's Pigeons high marks. There could have been ways to make the drink fit the name a bit more, but to have done so would have been at the detriment of the drink itself. And despite the fact that I created and maintain a blog that requests drinks specifically based on names, the name really should come secondary to taste always. And this was a great cocktail.

I'm very glad to report that, unlike when Picasso painted his pigeons, the Raines Law Room did not rest on their laurels and serve me a white blob with dots for eyes. They served me a really fantastic cocktail, and I am excited to return and have many more such cocktails at The Raines Law Room. And I encourage anyone and everyone else to do so should they be in the area. Don't let the hidden entrance fool you: it's worth it.

See, Picasso? We KNOW you can draw birds if you try. You're not fooling anyone. This one isn't even all that fancy but it's still clearly a bird. WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST HAVE DONE THIS?!?!