Drink 32: The Pink Elephant

The Name: The Pink Elephant                                                                                

The Bar: The Headless Horseman (119 East 15th st., NYC)

The Story Behind The Name:

Let's address the pink elephant in the room: this drink name has absolutely nothing to do with the movie Fantasia.

I've mentioned before how I'm a toy salesman. It's a fun job, but like all jobs in a specific field, you tend to learn a lot about the more surprising unpleasantness of the business. As delightful as you think the world of toys might be, there are definitely some weird quirks to how toys are manufactured and advertised. And one of the weirdest and worst quirks is how everything tends to be categorized as a boy's toy, or a girl's toy.

If you've ever been in a toy store in your life, this shouldn't come as a huge surprise. Some toys, like dolls or tea sets are marketed exclusively towards girls, while action figures and toy cars are viewed exclusively as boy's toys. And if children identifying as one gender should show an interest in another toy, they are seen as an exception (girls who like trucks or guns getting labeled as tomboys, for example). It's a huge problem (and, of course, not one that only affects the toy business) and there are lots of articles about why this is problematic if you're not convinced (here's one!), but I can tell you that I've witnessed this practice being harmful firsthand. There have been multiple times I've seen parents talk their child out of a toy because "they shouldn't be playing with that." I've seen fathers ridicule their son because he wants a dollhouse. I've seen parents stop their daughters from looking at Legos because "there'll be more stuff for you at the Barbie section." The whole thing is icky.

And then there are the toys that are not typically associated with any gender, but which toy manufacturers desperately try to fit into one of these categories. There are pink YoYos, because obviously a girl cannot play with a blue or a green YoYo. That would be terrible. One of the products that I demonstrate is a drawing board, where you can draw things on a multi-colored board. The colors on this board are blue, green, red, and yellow. There have been a few times that I've lost a sale because it didn't come in "girl colors," and so the shopper didn't know if the girl they were buying it for would like it.

The girl's version comes in pink, purple, magenta, and superpink!

But, of course, it isn't THAT surprising that people think children have to play with toys based on their presented gender, since so many otherwise gender-neutral toys have been made in boy versions and girl versions. Don't believe me? Here are two versions of a doodle book.

Featuring doodles of things only boys like, like an octopus and a kite, and things only girls like, like microphones and ice cream. Both like dragons, but only girls like dragons with wings.

To be clear, this is a book that teaches kids how to draw. And not even how to draw well, but how to draw silly little doodles. There's no reason to bring gender into the discussion, and yet, somehow, they found a way.

But, by far the worst example of this trend has to do with a little game called Elefun. I never played it as a kid, but I do remember seeing commercials for it (you can watch one such commercial here). If you don't feel like watching a weird commercial from the 90's, Elefun is a game where a toy elephant shoots butterflies out of its trunk and all the players have to catch the butterflies in their nets. Whoever catches the most butterflies wins. It's like Hungry Hungry Hippos, but with nets and the horrifying implications that an elephant has hundreds of butterflies stuffed up their trunk somehow. It seems like a fun enough game for little kids (or an ele-fun enough game, har har har), with the added addition of having "pick up the mess your toy made" being the stated purpose of the game. As I never played Elefun, I had not thought of the game in years. Until I saw it on the shelves of Toys R Us. But there was a new version of Elefun accompanying it.

That's right. Belefun. Elefun for girls. Because this elephant is pink, you see. And has eyelashes.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Putting aside the fact that the gendering of toys is an out of control problem, I find the existence of Belefun most offensive because it simply makes no sense. No one, even those who most strictly adhere to the stereotypical boy/girl standards of toy classification, would think this is a game aimed at boys. The purpose is to catch butterflies. That's really all it is. And so if someone had a gun to my head and was making me classify this as a "boy's toy" or a "girl's toy," I would have guessed girl's toy every time. And yet, because Elefun is blue (and otherwise completely genderless), Hasbro felt the need to make a "girl's version." Belefun. The pink elephant. So that now even girls can catch butterflies being shot out of a plastic elephant's nose!!!

Finally.

The whole "pink is for girls, blue is for boys" thing is so awful, and I feel like Belefun truly epitomizes what is wrong with this. And I also feel like "The Pink Elephant" is a great name for a cocktail. Apparently a lot of people agree with me, because when I googled "Pink Elephant Cocktail," I got a lot of results. But I think this name fits the rules of the game as there doesn't appear to be a definitive Pink Elephant cocktail, as none of the results that I found were even remotely alike. There was one made with vodka, one made with gin, even one made with merlot. There was a particularly delicious-sounding one which was made with pineapple juice, absinthe, and fire, and was bafflingly not-at-all pink. Scariest of all, the very first search result was a recipe from Food Network personality and menace to society Sandra Lee. If you're not familiar with Sandra Lee, she is infamous for using store-bought ingredients in her "recipes." So her shopping list includes ingredients like "a whole store-bought apple pie." Her recipes are fascinating disasters, made more incredible when you remember that she has two shows on the once-credible Food Network and also is dating the governor of New York. If you're intrigued, watch pretty much any of her segments on youtube and you will be horrified, although her Kwanzaa cake is a great place to start, and is just as offensive as the Belefun game. I guess her recipe for a Pink Elephant cocktail sounded okay, though, if potentially way, way, way, way too sweet.

 

Ordering The Drink: My friend Aaron, who has joined me for this blog before, has just moved to New York City for the long term, and we went out for a drink to celebrate. Our meeting place of choice was a bar called The Headless Horseman, located near Union Square. 

Aaron does his best Vanna White impression at the bar's entrance arch.

 It has a great vibe with somewhat of an old-timey castle feel. There's lots of exposed brick and stone, with wooden floors and fire-lit lamps. It was all very cool. The cocktails were interesting and well-made, but they also have an extensive beer menu, so drink fans of all kinds should be happy. And the food was good too--Aaron and I split a snack called "crispy chickpeas" which were seriously addictive. So, good atmosphere, good drinks, good food--what else could you want? I certainly had high hopes as I got ready to order my Pink Elephant.

Our friendly and attentive waitress came by and asked if we wanted a second round. I made my order for a Pink Elephant, and she said she'd check with the bartender. We were at a table right next to the bar, and watched their conversation with great interest. After a moment, the bartender walked away and she turned to us.
"He's doing it!" she said, and gave us a thumbs up. We gave her a thumbs up back.

And then the drink arrived.

The Drink:

Vodka

Cranberry juice

Soda

Lots of ice

Lime garnish
Served in a giant jug. And I mean giant.

I told you I meant giant.

 Assessment of Drink: This jar was absolutely huge and 100% not meant for someone to drink out of. It's really what you would mix a huge thing of punch in. In fact, I'm not all that convinced that the bartender even made this drink for me. I think he might have just made a big batch of vodka cranberries at the start of his shift that he's been ladling out all night, and there happened to be only a little left, so when the waitress asked for a Pink Elephant, he just picked up the enormous glass bucket and went "here you go." It would certainly explain the vast amounts of ice that were present in this drink.

But, either way, this drink was a lot of fun. Aaron and I couldn't stop laughing. I've had a Vodka and Cranberry juice before, and it's good (the waitress didn't say it, but there might have been some sour mix in it too, because it tasted a little bit more sour than cranberry juice normally is--although not unpleasantly so) but something about this truly ridiculous drinking vessel made it really fun. I couldn't tell if I felt like an idiot or a powerful Norse god every time I took a drink.

I struggle to drink my Pink Elephant in the very dimly-lit bar.

The exaggerated size of the "glass" really made it something special. It's certainly one of the most memorable drinks I've had for this blog. This blog is all about finding unusual cocktails, and its presentation was certainly unusual. I could actually see this drink being a signature thing at a bar. The Pink Elephant challenge: order a pink elephant and if you finish the whole thing in five minutes it's half off! I'd take it.

Also, you couldn't really see it in the picture, but the Pink Elephant came with a lot of ice. Like, a LOT of ice. My guess is the bartender might have made a normal-sized drink and put it in the giant jug for fun, but that it looked completely puny in there and he didn't think he could serve it, so he just kept filling it with ice so that it looked like there was anything in there at all. Because a normal amount of cocktail would have looked like nothing in that huge thing. Ice was the only way to make this drink even remotely presentable. The consequence of this was that I basically had an endless drink. As I kept drinking, the ice kept melting, and so the amount of liquid in the container never actually went down, it just became more and more diluted. It was a struggle. But I continued to drink my cranberry-tinged water with much relish  as the night went on.

This was after I'd had most of the drink and it looks like I haven't even touched it. Although it really is slightly less red than when the drink was first placed before me.

Does It Live Up To The Name: Absolutely! I've already gone over some theories as to how this drink might have been created (that it was simply leftovers of a mass-produced cocktail, or that it was a normal drink with huge heaps of ice thrown in). I'm not entirely sure that the drink's presentation was not a bit of a "fuck you," directed at me. "You want an elephant drink? Here you go, drink out of this!" But, of course, it's possible that none of these theories are true and that the hefty glass vase my drink came in was entirely the bartender's design, and he excitedly poured it in thinking "This is perfect!" And if that's the case, then he was absolutely right. I completely bought that this drink would be called the Pink Elephant. Even with its simple ingredients, the presentation felt unique enough that the drink had a feel all its own. Was it pink? Yes. Was it elephantine? Hell yes! This thing was HUGE! While I do think there might have been a more elegant approach to making a Pink Elephant (the bar's regular cocktail menu was far more refined, and featured some sophisticated ingredients like tea-infused bourbon), this drink made me incredibly happy, and it showcased the kind of creativity this blog was made for. The Headless Horseman was a rousing success. I'm glad I finally made it there, and will surely be back should I ever be in the area.

 

The Headless Horseman is also the first bar I've visited since receiving a wonderful gift courtesy of my dear friends, the Quinns. Thanks to the Quinns, I now have a stack of customized What's That Drink business cards to help advertise the blog. My friends and loyal readers--let me know if you'd like some!

"Thanks for The Pink Elephant! - Miles"
And thanks for a great evening, Headless Horseman. See you soon!

Drink 5: Moon God

The Name: The Moon God                                                 

The Bar: TheVillage Pourhouse (64 3^rd Avenue, New York City)

The Story Behind The Name: Few people have the potential to make more of an impact on our lives than teachers and other educators. And while everyone encounters good teachers and bad teachers, we all have only a select number of truly great teachers. These are the ones who are life-changing. The ones who simply have an innate talent for passing on knowledge—who make the material just as interesting for students who have an interest in the subject as for those who don’t.  These are the teachers who care about their students, and who are viewed with awe throughout the classroom. Even the luckiest among us can most likely count such teachers that we have had on one hand. These are the teachers who are Dead Poets Society-level stuff. Well, one such teacher for me is a former drama professor from Kenyon College (now teaching at Illinois State University) named Kevin Rich.

It would be impossible to fully explain all of what makes Kevin Rich such a fantastic professor. While I could certainly go on and on about great assignments and lectures, I don't think that's the best way to explain how great this professor is. Instead, I will tell you that I'm far from the only person who holds him in such high esteem-- I can guarantee that many of my peers from college would effusively echo my statements. He was only at Kenyon for a total of two years, but in that short time, developed a campus-wide reputation. You murmured the words “Kevin Rich” around drama students and for the next ten minutes, they would be unable to talk about anything other than how great Kevin is. Backstage at shows, the number one question on everyone’s mind was always if Kevin was in the audience (and if he was, the reaction would be a curious mixture of excitement, disbelief, terror, and more excitement). I had one non-theater-focused friend who mentioned that they were actually disappointed when they first met Kevin, because based on what everyone said about him, they had built an image in their mind of some sort of demigod who, I imagine, could shoot rainbows and wisdom out of his eyes and always carried around cookies and milk to give to passersby. Although, alas, he is a mere mortal, Kevin is truly an extraordinary educator, and an even more extraordinary individual-- one who commands the instant respect and appreciation of practically everyone he meets.

Now, most actors have a few projects under their belt that are not necessarily their finest work. It has come to light, for example, that television acting-deity Bryan Cranston once played a monster/villain/larvaesnakething on Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers named Snizard. 

Pictured: Future winner of all of the acting awards

These types of projects are expected, and actors typically have nothing to be embarrassed about. They're actually rather fun stories, and are sometimes the type of projects which the actor recalls most fondly. But, when the actor in question is a drama professor-- especially one held in such high regard-- these wacky anecdotes become skeletons in Chekov's closet. Sooner or later, the students are going to find out. And they will eat it up like Snizard eats precious jewels.

I don't know what this thing eats. Or how it eats. But I just assumed it eats precious jewels. I don't know why.

For a while, all the drama majors had been abuzz with excitement when it came to light that another well-loved professor had played an underground shoe salesman named Scabby in an episode of Even Stevens but, we didn’t know about any embarrassing projects from Kevin Rich’s past. Yet. Until, one day, Kevin made the mistake of revealing in class that he had acted in a low-rate horror movie. His reasoning was that to do so had always been on his bucket list, and I think it was the only union project being filmed where he was living. I wasn’t there at the moment that he let this little tidbit of information get out, but I can only assume that all of his students sat up in their seats and the hairs on the back of their necks stood up straight. They smelled blood in the water. Kevin—our esteemed and beloved professor with an affinity for Shakespeare—had been in a terrible horror film? The type known for cheesy acting and bad effects? We had to see this. They asked Kevin for the name of the film and he refused to say it. “You really don’t want to see it. It’s really, really bad,” he insisted.

Unfortunately for Kevin, IMDB exists. The very next day, word had spread of Kevin’s film, with the full title known by all. I don’t know how many times the group of drama majors watched the trailer for this film in the coming days. All we could really gather from it was that Kevin sported an especially out-of-place black goatee, and at one point shouted “It’s ALL his fault!” We milked this information for all it was worth.

I eventually took it upon myself to order the film on DVD and consider it one of the best purchases I have ever made. I believe it’s one of the twelve copies that were ever sold. This film was passed around the campus and went through so many hands that I actually don’t know where it is now (my hope is that it is lost in some room in Kenyon somewhere and will stay there forever). Before the DVD was lost, there were screenings for large audiences, and everyone agreed that the film was as bad as Kevin had described (I believe at one point, he described it as “porn without the porn,” which is perhaps the most accurate description of anything that I've ever heard) As owner of the DVD, I ended up watching it four times, which Kevin thinks is the record for the most times a person has managed to sit through the film in its entirety.

The film is pretty typical as far as horror movie premises go. A group of strangers are, through convoluted circumstances, left alone in the woods without any technology. Now, this film features the usual cast of characters who get killed off one by one—the attractive blonde female lead, the alpha male jock, the quirky best friend, the “slutty” one, the token minority/comic relief, etc. All standard fair. And then there was Kevin's character: the pagan moon worshipper.

This was truly glorious to behold.

Amidst the fairly standard slasher film fare, Kevin had to run around reciting lines like “It is perfectly clear what we must do: burn their bodies in reverence to the moon god,” with a straight face. At one point he ran under a dead body with a bucket yelling “GET THE BLOOD! GET THE BLOOD!” to then use in some sort of moon god ceremony. There was even an awkward dance scene around a campfire, which has nothing to do with any moon gods, but certainly deserves mention here as it was a favorite scene of many of Kevin's students. But Kevin's best work, everyone agreed, was the very first scene in which we met Kevin’s character. Presented without any explanation, Kevin is simply crouching on the ground in the woods and performing a ritual. A ritual in which he passionately screams the line that so many of us later mercilessly quoted back to him: “I HONOR YOU MOON GOD!” It became something of a motto between my friends and I. If moon gods are real, they received much adoration coming from this small college town in Ohio for a period of several months.

And so the idea of the moon god is both a private joke, and an homage to a really wonderful educator. Although I know Kevin should not and would rather not be remembered for this role out of all of his many accomplishments, this drink was ordered with the intent of honoring him and the impact he had, and continues to have, on so many lives.

"Oh moon god, my moon god!"

Ordering The Drink: I was out on the town with two of my friends—Aaron and Kenny (fans of this blog will remember Kenny from some previous entries) and we ended up at The Village Pourhouse, a fun and somewhat well-known bar near Union Square. It has a great atmosphere, and good drinks for rather cheap prices (we were there for Thirsty Thursdays, which featured multiple $3.00 drinks, which proved rather dangerous for our livers but beneficial for our wallets on that particular night). All three of us are former students of Kevin’s, and had in fact acted together in a show he had directed, so the Moon God felt like an obvious choice for a drink order. And I was optimistic for a good reception from the staff-- our waitress at The Village Pourhouse, Taylor, had been great and enthusiastic all evening, so we had a feeling that she’d like this idea. Sure enough, when I explained that I wanted the bartender to make a fake drink called “The Moon God,” she was 100% on board. This order definitely had the least amount of explaining that I’ve had to do for this blog thus far. Even the bartenders who have embraced the idea have initially needed some clarification before getting to work, but Taylor understood right away. Without hesitation, she excitedly said “Absolutely!” I emphasized that if the bartender didn’t want to do it, I’d understand, to which she responded, “Oh. He will definitely be on board for this.” 

Soon after, Taylor returned with a rather bright blue drink with a thin orange wedge in it. 

I IMBIBE YOU MOON GOD!

As Taylor set the drink down she explained it thusly.

“So, he said the orange represents the half moon, and the blue drink is the tide. And the Moon God is because of the correlation between those or...something.” It was clear that the bartender had a rather elaborate explanation for this drink. One which had not quite adequately been explained to Taylor. Although Kenny, operating on a different inebriated wavelength, seemed to understand this explanation completely. Taylor had also written down a list of the ingredients in the drink for our convenience. What a pro.

The Drink:

Blue curacao

Absolut mango

Triple Sec

Sour mix

Served on the rocks with an orange “half-moon” garnish

Closeup of the orange moon

Assessment of Drink: This is a tough one for me to truly assess in terms of taste. I’m not a fan of overly-sweet drinks, and this would certainly fit that description. It was floral and fruity and tasted like candy. I think most of this sweetness came from the absolut mango, and the sour mix and undercurrents of citrus were really not enough to cut through the exceeding sweetness.

That being said, while it was quite sweet, it wasn’t actively unpleasant-- it’s just not my type of drink. Kenny, on the other hand, is a huge fan of sweet drinks, and loved The Moon God. As sweet drinks go, it certainly wasn't the worst I've ever seen. Basically, I see it as a drink that could easily be on a restaurant’s drink menu and would probably have its fans, but looking at the ingredients it’s just not one that I personally would ever order. But while I've established that fans of sweet drinks would like it, I do maintain that the drink could be objectively improved if there was something else to give it a bit of an edge. Maybe tequila would be a good addition? I think that would work. Although, to be fair, tequila is usually a good addition to most things.

Does It Live Up To The Name: Although we only got the explanation for the drink secondhand, I can’t imagine that the description from the bartender himself would be all that much clearer. Tides? It sounds like something really deep—too deep for me to follow. Or just desperate reaching, that could be it too.

But...even if we were to accept the symbolism of the moon and the tides as being a completely acceptable and well-explained representation of the Moon God, then I still think this drink would miss the mark a bit. What about the drink actually represents the tides? It’s blue, sure, but that neon blue would never make me think of the ocean. It makes me think of powerade. Or the blue crystal meth from the show Breaking Bad.

But... even if we were to accept that the blue represents the ocean, then the drink would only represent the bartender’s vision in appearance. Nothing about mangoes or triple sec makes me think of the tides, let alone the moon. And where is the god in all of this? There is no god. There is no god I tell you! At least not in this drink. This is not the place for such a discussion. Ultimately, I have to reject the explanation of the tides. It just doesn't satisfy the prompt of "Moon God" for me. Instead, I prefer to think that the blue is representing the phrase “Once in a blue moon," which could definitely work, although that still leaves the deity out of it.

Speaking of “blue moon,” that could have been a nice direction for this drink to go in. There are plenty of cocktails out there which use beer as a base (one of my favorite summer cocktails is a Snakebite, which is beer and cider, with an optional addition of black currant juice or syrup) and perhaps the Moon God could have been made using Blue Moon beer. And since I so recently had the fantastic cocktail My Only Jacket which used another cocktail as inspiration, I couldn't help but wonder if that might have been a good direction for this drink to go in. I know there’s a cocktail called a “Blue Moon,” and while I don’t remember the recipe exactly, I know it involves gin and crème de violette. I also know there’s a popular cocktail called the Godmother which is vodka and amaretto. Perhaps these could have been combined to help make the Moon God? Gin, crème de violette, and amaretto sounds like it could be really interesting actually.

Still, it was a decent drink, and my assessment here is coming across as much more harsh than I meant it to. Aaron, Kenny, and I had a great time at The Village Pourhouse, and had many delicious drinks throughout the night. It’s a great neighborhood place which deserves its reputation as the friendliest bar in the neighborhood-- great drinks and a great environment means a great time is had by all.

Kenny and Aaron, both looking really sober,  pose with the Moon God