Drink 51: The Closed Shutters

The Name: The Closed Shutters

The Bar: The King's Arms (168 Whiteladies Road, Bristol, UK)

The Story Behind The Name: In my last post, I mentioned that I'm currently in England for grad school. Well, I've been here for a month and it's been absolutely amazing. A main reason why it's been so amazing is the fellow people in my course. While of course, any class of grad school students is going to grow close, when you're going to grad school for acting, the bonds formed tend to be really strong really quickly. On our first day, my class had a team-building exercise which involved us rolling around on top of each other, and something tells me that doesn't happen in law school.

One of the projects that my grad school group is currently working on is a performance of a series of acted out fairy tales. One of those fairy tales is the story of Blue Beard. If you're not familiar with Blue Beard, it's the story of a wealthy man who has a blue beard which everyone thinks is very ugly and so no one wants to marry him. He also happens to have been married several times before and all of his wives died under mysterious circumstances...but really, the blue beard is generally accepted as the thing that made him an ineligible bachelor. One day, a woman does agree to marry him because he is really rich and seems like maybe not such a bad guy. He gives her a set of keys to every door in his house, but mentions that one unlocks a closet which she must never open under any circumstances. Surprise, surprise, she decides to open that closet and finds that it contains the bodies of Blue Beard's dead wives which he killed! Anyone who has never read a story before is shocked! Blue Beard finds out and is so angry he tries to kill this bride too even though it would have been so easy for him to just not give her that one key in the first place. Luckily the bride's two brothers conveniently show up and kill him. Disappointingly, the fact that he has a blue beard ends up being completely irrelevant to the story in every way.

Blue Beard fanart

As we set about staging this piece, our director wanted us to really explore the language and the various ways it could be staged. As an exercise, he had us read a specific passage together as a group multiple times. Then, we read it in smaller groups. Then we read it but not everyone read every line together. We basically all just got intensely familiar with this one speech. Here's the text of it, from right before the bride opens the closet door.

When she reached the closet door, she paused for quite a while, remembering her husband's words. But temptation was far too strong for her. She picked out the little key and opened the door. At first, she could make out nothing clearly at all, because the shutters were all closed. But after a few moments she saw that the floor was spattered with lumps of congealed blood, and upon it were the bodies of dead women, each sprawled or hanging there in her wedding gown. These were the brides that the Blue Beard had married and had slaughtered one after another. The key fell from her hand. She tried to calm herself. Picked up the key. Locked the door. Hurried up the stairs to her chamber to try to recover. But she was too frightened.

It's a creepy passage. But, you know how when you say a word over and over again, it starts to sound funny or weird? Well, when you say a passage like this over and over again, you start to notice strange details that didn't initially seem odd. And after at least half an hour and repeating this passage, everyone in our group began to question the line, "because the shutters were all closed." Because...how is that important? She couldn't see anything at all. Fine. Why do we need to know about the windows? Isn't the more important detail that THERE ARE DEAD BODIES AND BLOOD EVERYWHERE?!?! The passage is told from the bride's perspective. So that means that she opened the door and after her eyes got adjusted, she had time to notice that the windows were shuttered. Instead of focusing on...and I can't stress this enough...the corpses of her brand new husband's previous wives. That he murdered. And that he keeps in a closet that he told her to not go into or he would murder her. In a situation like this, why would anyone notice the windows? And why would anyone care? At no point would anyone in the audience be seriously asking, "Why couldn't she see anything? SURELY THERE WAS LIGHT COMING IN THROUGH THE WINDOW! Ah, I see, the shutters were closed. Thanks for that detail." It became a comedic line for us, and one of our very first shared jokes as a group.

Ordering The Drink: I figured it would only be right if my first drink for this blog in England (What's That Drink has gone global, you guys!!!) was inspired by a joke born in England. One night, a group of us went to a local pub right by our school called The King's Arms and I knew I had to see if I could get a drink called The Closed Shutters. Now, even though I try to be polite, my concern when I do this is always that the bartender will think I'm an asshole for making such a strange request. And, especially being overseas, I don't want to come across as an obnoxious American. But, luckily, one of the bartenders at The King's Arms is a great guy named Jyuddah who is also a student at my school. I figured he'd be up to the challenge, and this would mark the first time I'd actually ordered one of these drinks from someone I knew personally (not counting my friend Jane who made The Murdered Moose of her own accord).

Jyuddah seemed a bit confused about the request, but immediately assured me he'd do it. "If someone asks me to invent a drink for them, I'm gonna do it!" he said, and I told him he could absolutely take his time to figure out the perfect drink. I didn't feel like Jyuddah was judging me, but I can't say the same for the couple that was sitting next to me at the bar who clearly thought I was insane.

After a bit, Jyuddah came back and placed the drink in front of me. "I hope you enjoy it," he said. "This is the weirdest thing I've ever made."

The Drink:

The Closed Shutters

Disaronno
Fire Eater hot cinnamon whiskey
Absolut Vodka
Lemon
Orange Juice
Soda

Assessment of Drink: I took a sip at the bar and Jyuddah asked if I liked it. "Do you want to try it?" I asked him. He dipped a straw in the drink and tasted his creation. His face lit up. "That's sick!" he exclaimed. And I have to agree. This drink was absolutely fantastic.

Every one of my classmates who tried the drink said it was delicious. It was really interesting--and had a nice balance of spice and sweetness to it. The amaretto and the cinnamon whiskey played well together, and with the citrus notes, it was a drink that was impressively layered and complex. Perhaps the most surprising thing about it, to me, was how clearly the lemon came through. I would have thought that the orange juice would have been the dominant mixer, but really it was the lemon. One classmate of mine said it reminded her of a lemon drop candy but in cocktail form, and that's a very accurate description. Especially because of the carbonation from the last minute splash of soda. It's a sophisticated drink, and one which was pleasantly unexpected. You'd think you understood the drink, but then you'd notice the spice from the cinnamon, or then you'd notice the hint of the amaretto, which meant you could appreciate the drink more as you kept drinking.

Does It Live Up To The Name: I mentioned before that there was a couple at the bar which clearly thought my drink request was stupid. Their problem had less to do with the idea of getting a drink based on a name, and more to do with the exact name given. "Give him something to work with!" they insisted. And, I agree, The Closed Shutters is a tough one to do. I thought that perhaps any drink that one would have as a nightcap would have worked--something comforting and perhaps a bit warm. so, this version of the Closed Shutters didn't fit the thought I had in my head. Because I know him, I was able to ask Jyuddah, "What was your thought behind the drink?" He shrugged. "I just thought it needed to have a bit of a kick." And, sure, it did have a bit of a kick thanks to that cinnamon whiskey. When I picture sunlight coming in through closed shutters, I think about those stripes of light that you can get. In some ways, I think the layered flavors of this cocktail could represent those stripes of light--each one peeking in in surprising ways.

Is the drink a perfect representation of the name? Probably not. But as the couple at the bar said, this was a really tough name. And considering how good the drink turned out, I'm definitely not complaining. Thanks, Jyuddah, for bringing the closed shutters to life! I'm glad there were no lumps of congealed blood to be found.

Drink 5: Moon God

The Name: The Moon God                                                 

The Bar: TheVillage Pourhouse (64 3^rd Avenue, New York City)

The Story Behind The Name: Few people have the potential to make more of an impact on our lives than teachers and other educators. And while everyone encounters good teachers and bad teachers, we all have only a select number of truly great teachers. These are the ones who are life-changing. The ones who simply have an innate talent for passing on knowledge—who make the material just as interesting for students who have an interest in the subject as for those who don’t.  These are the teachers who care about their students, and who are viewed with awe throughout the classroom. Even the luckiest among us can most likely count such teachers that we have had on one hand. These are the teachers who are Dead Poets Society-level stuff. Well, one such teacher for me is a former drama professor from Kenyon College (now teaching at Illinois State University) named Kevin Rich.

It would be impossible to fully explain all of what makes Kevin Rich such a fantastic professor. While I could certainly go on and on about great assignments and lectures, I don't think that's the best way to explain how great this professor is. Instead, I will tell you that I'm far from the only person who holds him in such high esteem-- I can guarantee that many of my peers from college would effusively echo my statements. He was only at Kenyon for a total of two years, but in that short time, developed a campus-wide reputation. You murmured the words “Kevin Rich” around drama students and for the next ten minutes, they would be unable to talk about anything other than how great Kevin is. Backstage at shows, the number one question on everyone’s mind was always if Kevin was in the audience (and if he was, the reaction would be a curious mixture of excitement, disbelief, terror, and more excitement). I had one non-theater-focused friend who mentioned that they were actually disappointed when they first met Kevin, because based on what everyone said about him, they had built an image in their mind of some sort of demigod who, I imagine, could shoot rainbows and wisdom out of his eyes and always carried around cookies and milk to give to passersby. Although, alas, he is a mere mortal, Kevin is truly an extraordinary educator, and an even more extraordinary individual-- one who commands the instant respect and appreciation of practically everyone he meets.

Now, most actors have a few projects under their belt that are not necessarily their finest work. It has come to light, for example, that television acting-deity Bryan Cranston once played a monster/villain/larvaesnakething on Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers named Snizard. 

Pictured: Future winner of all of the acting awards

These types of projects are expected, and actors typically have nothing to be embarrassed about. They're actually rather fun stories, and are sometimes the type of projects which the actor recalls most fondly. But, when the actor in question is a drama professor-- especially one held in such high regard-- these wacky anecdotes become skeletons in Chekov's closet. Sooner or later, the students are going to find out. And they will eat it up like Snizard eats precious jewels.

I don't know what this thing eats. Or how it eats. But I just assumed it eats precious jewels. I don't know why.

For a while, all the drama majors had been abuzz with excitement when it came to light that another well-loved professor had played an underground shoe salesman named Scabby in an episode of Even Stevens but, we didn’t know about any embarrassing projects from Kevin Rich’s past. Yet. Until, one day, Kevin made the mistake of revealing in class that he had acted in a low-rate horror movie. His reasoning was that to do so had always been on his bucket list, and I think it was the only union project being filmed where he was living. I wasn’t there at the moment that he let this little tidbit of information get out, but I can only assume that all of his students sat up in their seats and the hairs on the back of their necks stood up straight. They smelled blood in the water. Kevin—our esteemed and beloved professor with an affinity for Shakespeare—had been in a terrible horror film? The type known for cheesy acting and bad effects? We had to see this. They asked Kevin for the name of the film and he refused to say it. “You really don’t want to see it. It’s really, really bad,” he insisted.

Unfortunately for Kevin, IMDB exists. The very next day, word had spread of Kevin’s film, with the full title known by all. I don’t know how many times the group of drama majors watched the trailer for this film in the coming days. All we could really gather from it was that Kevin sported an especially out-of-place black goatee, and at one point shouted “It’s ALL his fault!” We milked this information for all it was worth.

I eventually took it upon myself to order the film on DVD and consider it one of the best purchases I have ever made. I believe it’s one of the twelve copies that were ever sold. This film was passed around the campus and went through so many hands that I actually don’t know where it is now (my hope is that it is lost in some room in Kenyon somewhere and will stay there forever). Before the DVD was lost, there were screenings for large audiences, and everyone agreed that the film was as bad as Kevin had described (I believe at one point, he described it as “porn without the porn,” which is perhaps the most accurate description of anything that I've ever heard) As owner of the DVD, I ended up watching it four times, which Kevin thinks is the record for the most times a person has managed to sit through the film in its entirety.

The film is pretty typical as far as horror movie premises go. A group of strangers are, through convoluted circumstances, left alone in the woods without any technology. Now, this film features the usual cast of characters who get killed off one by one—the attractive blonde female lead, the alpha male jock, the quirky best friend, the “slutty” one, the token minority/comic relief, etc. All standard fair. And then there was Kevin's character: the pagan moon worshipper.

This was truly glorious to behold.

Amidst the fairly standard slasher film fare, Kevin had to run around reciting lines like “It is perfectly clear what we must do: burn their bodies in reverence to the moon god,” with a straight face. At one point he ran under a dead body with a bucket yelling “GET THE BLOOD! GET THE BLOOD!” to then use in some sort of moon god ceremony. There was even an awkward dance scene around a campfire, which has nothing to do with any moon gods, but certainly deserves mention here as it was a favorite scene of many of Kevin's students. But Kevin's best work, everyone agreed, was the very first scene in which we met Kevin’s character. Presented without any explanation, Kevin is simply crouching on the ground in the woods and performing a ritual. A ritual in which he passionately screams the line that so many of us later mercilessly quoted back to him: “I HONOR YOU MOON GOD!” It became something of a motto between my friends and I. If moon gods are real, they received much adoration coming from this small college town in Ohio for a period of several months.

And so the idea of the moon god is both a private joke, and an homage to a really wonderful educator. Although I know Kevin should not and would rather not be remembered for this role out of all of his many accomplishments, this drink was ordered with the intent of honoring him and the impact he had, and continues to have, on so many lives.

"Oh moon god, my moon god!"

Ordering The Drink: I was out on the town with two of my friends—Aaron and Kenny (fans of this blog will remember Kenny from some previous entries) and we ended up at The Village Pourhouse, a fun and somewhat well-known bar near Union Square. It has a great atmosphere, and good drinks for rather cheap prices (we were there for Thirsty Thursdays, which featured multiple $3.00 drinks, which proved rather dangerous for our livers but beneficial for our wallets on that particular night). All three of us are former students of Kevin’s, and had in fact acted together in a show he had directed, so the Moon God felt like an obvious choice for a drink order. And I was optimistic for a good reception from the staff-- our waitress at The Village Pourhouse, Taylor, had been great and enthusiastic all evening, so we had a feeling that she’d like this idea. Sure enough, when I explained that I wanted the bartender to make a fake drink called “The Moon God,” she was 100% on board. This order definitely had the least amount of explaining that I’ve had to do for this blog thus far. Even the bartenders who have embraced the idea have initially needed some clarification before getting to work, but Taylor understood right away. Without hesitation, she excitedly said “Absolutely!” I emphasized that if the bartender didn’t want to do it, I’d understand, to which she responded, “Oh. He will definitely be on board for this.” 

Soon after, Taylor returned with a rather bright blue drink with a thin orange wedge in it. 

I IMBIBE YOU MOON GOD!

As Taylor set the drink down she explained it thusly.

“So, he said the orange represents the half moon, and the blue drink is the tide. And the Moon God is because of the correlation between those or...something.” It was clear that the bartender had a rather elaborate explanation for this drink. One which had not quite adequately been explained to Taylor. Although Kenny, operating on a different inebriated wavelength, seemed to understand this explanation completely. Taylor had also written down a list of the ingredients in the drink for our convenience. What a pro.

The Drink:

Blue curacao

Absolut mango

Triple Sec

Sour mix

Served on the rocks with an orange “half-moon” garnish

Closeup of the orange moon

Assessment of Drink: This is a tough one for me to truly assess in terms of taste. I’m not a fan of overly-sweet drinks, and this would certainly fit that description. It was floral and fruity and tasted like candy. I think most of this sweetness came from the absolut mango, and the sour mix and undercurrents of citrus were really not enough to cut through the exceeding sweetness.

That being said, while it was quite sweet, it wasn’t actively unpleasant-- it’s just not my type of drink. Kenny, on the other hand, is a huge fan of sweet drinks, and loved The Moon God. As sweet drinks go, it certainly wasn't the worst I've ever seen. Basically, I see it as a drink that could easily be on a restaurant’s drink menu and would probably have its fans, but looking at the ingredients it’s just not one that I personally would ever order. But while I've established that fans of sweet drinks would like it, I do maintain that the drink could be objectively improved if there was something else to give it a bit of an edge. Maybe tequila would be a good addition? I think that would work. Although, to be fair, tequila is usually a good addition to most things.

Does It Live Up To The Name: Although we only got the explanation for the drink secondhand, I can’t imagine that the description from the bartender himself would be all that much clearer. Tides? It sounds like something really deep—too deep for me to follow. Or just desperate reaching, that could be it too.

But...even if we were to accept the symbolism of the moon and the tides as being a completely acceptable and well-explained representation of the Moon God, then I still think this drink would miss the mark a bit. What about the drink actually represents the tides? It’s blue, sure, but that neon blue would never make me think of the ocean. It makes me think of powerade. Or the blue crystal meth from the show Breaking Bad.

But... even if we were to accept that the blue represents the ocean, then the drink would only represent the bartender’s vision in appearance. Nothing about mangoes or triple sec makes me think of the tides, let alone the moon. And where is the god in all of this? There is no god. There is no god I tell you! At least not in this drink. This is not the place for such a discussion. Ultimately, I have to reject the explanation of the tides. It just doesn't satisfy the prompt of "Moon God" for me. Instead, I prefer to think that the blue is representing the phrase “Once in a blue moon," which could definitely work, although that still leaves the deity out of it.

Speaking of “blue moon,” that could have been a nice direction for this drink to go in. There are plenty of cocktails out there which use beer as a base (one of my favorite summer cocktails is a Snakebite, which is beer and cider, with an optional addition of black currant juice or syrup) and perhaps the Moon God could have been made using Blue Moon beer. And since I so recently had the fantastic cocktail My Only Jacket which used another cocktail as inspiration, I couldn't help but wonder if that might have been a good direction for this drink to go in. I know there’s a cocktail called a “Blue Moon,” and while I don’t remember the recipe exactly, I know it involves gin and crème de violette. I also know there’s a popular cocktail called the Godmother which is vodka and amaretto. Perhaps these could have been combined to help make the Moon God? Gin, crème de violette, and amaretto sounds like it could be really interesting actually.

Still, it was a decent drink, and my assessment here is coming across as much more harsh than I meant it to. Aaron, Kenny, and I had a great time at The Village Pourhouse, and had many delicious drinks throughout the night. It’s a great neighborhood place which deserves its reputation as the friendliest bar in the neighborhood-- great drinks and a great environment means a great time is had by all.

Kenny and Aaron, both looking really sober,  pose with the Moon God