Drink 45: The Christopher Walken Duck Joke

The Name: The Christopher Walken Duck Joke                                                                                 

The Bar: The Ship (158 Lafayette St., NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: My mom (when she's not caring for African violets or zombie cats) has had an incredibly impressive life working in the theater. Among her many accomplishments, she was one of the first women to ever call herself a sound designer, and even co-wrote what is uniformly considered the most comprehensive text on sound design ever written. And while I could easily go on and on about her importance as a theatrical trailblazer, a perk of her involvement in the theatre is that she has assembled quite a few stories from back in the day

In 1984, my mom was working as the music director on a production of a play called Cinders at the Public Theatre. It's a really great play about a film crew making a documentary about a girl's reform school putting on a production of Cinderella. It's a predominantly female cast, considering that it's set in an all-girl's school. But there are a few male roles, with the most prominent being the role of the documentary's director. In this production he was played by Christopher Walken. Walken is an amazing actor--I know people often say he does the same thing in every movie, but I actually think he's shown a lot of versatility. Yes, he has a distinct way of talking, but he manages to make every role suit his bizarre charm. Plus, he's just magnetic to watch. He has such a great presence, and he's even better on stage (which is where he got his start) than in film. But, he also has a reputation of being incredibly difficult to work with. He's somehow even more unpredictable offstage than on. Pretty much everyone who worked with Walken, especially in the 80's and 90's, has stories about him. About him walking off the stage in the middle of a scene to say something to the stage manager, about him hiding props and costume pieces that he didn't like so he wouldn't have to bring them onstage, etc. My mom has several stories about Christopher Walken, but this one is by far my favorite.

Before one performance, my mom was in the women's dressing room with the rest of the women in the cast, getting ready for the show. All of a sudden, Christopher Walken bursts in, clearly stoned out of his mind. Remember, this is right before a show is about to start. Several of the women tried to cover themselves, and many others yelled, "Chris, what are you doing here?" But he didn't seem to notice. Because he was a man on a mission.

"Girls, girls. I have a joke," he said, in his unusual cadence. Apparently his mission was to tell a joke. Below is the joke, but if you'd rather get the whole experience, you can listen to a recording of me telling the joke in my best Christopher Walken impression here. The joke was:

A duck walks into a pharmacy to buy some lip gloss. The cashier says, "Will that be cash?" And the duck says, "No, put it on my bill."

At this point, Christopher Walken chuckled heartily, then turned around, walked into a wall, and passed out.

Let's get one thing clear: this isn't a good joke. On the surface, it's not particularly funny, clever or interesting. But, when told by Christopher Walken, who afterwards walks into a wall and passes out, it becomes the greatest joke of all time. I think it's the urgency of it. His barging into the dressing room, announcing that he has a joke, shows that in his mind, it was imperative that his fellow cast members be aware of this hilarious piece of wit. And then, there's the fact that Christopher Walken can make anything funny. And the fact that, again, he WALKED INTO A WALL AND PASSED OUT IMMEDIATELY AFTER TELLING THE JOKE. Part of me thinks he wasn't even stoned as my mom suggests. It was just a bit he was trying out and he really committed to it.

This scene is amazing...but it would be even better if afterwards he had walked into a wall and passed out, right?

Ordering The Drink: I have wanted to get a drink called The Christopher Walken Duck Joke ever since I started doing this blog. But I've never ordered one because, even for this blog, it's an absolutely bizarre name. I can't just go anywhere and order a drink called The Christopher Walken Duck Joke, I needed a place that I knew was up to the challenge. Luckily, my friend Pat knows of a great place in Chinatown called The Ship, which specializes in really interesting cocktails. After we each ordered a drink for our first round, I realized that the cocktails at The Ship are especially bold. I got a drink called The Glass Animal, made with bourbon and lemon, that was especially bright and lemony. Pat's drink, called Touch of Evil, was made with mezcal and was really smokey and delicious. Sometimes, cocktails can be really subtle and delicate, but my impression of The Ship was that their drinks opted for more full-on flavor. And that's not a bad thing by any means--while the drinks lacked subtlety, they did have nuance and were incredibly complex. I found the forceful flavor of these drinks really refreshing and it made me excited to try more. Especially because they have a "Bartender's Choice" option on their menu, so I had a feeling that Pat's instincts were right and the bartender would be willing to play along.

After playing the order with our waitress, she asked me to repeat the instructions one more time. Not because she was hesitant, just because she wanted to make sure she conveyed the request to the bartender correctly. After not too long, the drink arrived.

The Drink:

Muddled Orange

Cynar

Lemon Juice

Gin 

Lemon Wedge (for duckbill) 

Assessment of Drink: As soon as the drink was placed in front of me, I laughed. I immediately loved the duckbill made from the lemon wedge. But despite its whimsical appearance, this was a serious drink. When I first heard the words "Muddled Orange," I thought of something more citrusy and fruity. But really, the muddled orange was more bitter than anything else. Kind of like an orange marmalade, with the bite that comes from the rind. And much like marmalade, this was a pleasant bitter flavor, and did definitely taste strongly of orange. Not like orange juice juice, but like actual orange. And while the orange flavor was definitely the most prominent flavor (and gave the drink a pretty amber color) the rest of the ingredients were well chosen. I like Cynar, which helped accentuate the bitterness, and the use of gin was perfect, as it didn't compete against the orange, but also gave the drink more flavor than, say, vodka would have. 

Not only was it a really tasty drink, it was also an unusual one. Sometimes with these cocktails, the drinks feel familiar. It'll taste like a bartender's twist on an Old Fashioned or a Tom Collins or something like that. But The Christopher Walken Duck Joke was quite unlike anything else I've had. Thanks to that delicious muddled orange.

Does It Live Up To The Name: I would have felt this drink met the requirements if only for the appearance. The lemon used as a duckbill was brilliant. And, it was a genuinely funny sight gag, so the garnish itself was a bit of a duck joke. All that the drink needed to do was fulfill the "Christopher Walken" part. Well, I said that this drink "was quite unlike anything else I've had," so that alone meets the Christopher Walken comparison. But more than that, I think that the bitterness of the drink was evocative of Walken and his sort of sarcastic persona. So, it definitely worked. If only the drink had been served in a cowbell, it would have been perfect.

The Ship was great! All the cocktails Pat and I got there were excellent, and I think they really rose to this weird challenge. But, the best part of the experience just might have come the next day, when they contacted Pat to ask how he enjoyed his experience at The Ship. They included a list of drinks we'd had, and there was my strange request right in the description.

Our time at The Ship was definitely a solid smiley face.

Drink 19: The Third Greatest Tragedy

The Name: The Third Greatest Tragedy                                                                            

The Bar: Public (210 Elizabeth Street, NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: October, to me and to many others, is definitely Halloween month. There's something about the entire month that just feels generally spooky, and I love that. And so, for the month of October, in honor of Halloween, What's That Drink will have a Halloween theme. I'm looking forward to it and I hope you are too.

If I don't get at least one drink served in a cauldron I'm going to be really disappointed.

And, to start off this month of scary drinks, we have a drink inspired by a ghost tour that I took in New York City. The most awkward, terrible, and somehow amazing ghost tour of all time.

I'm guessing that most people know what a ghost tour is, but in case, it's a tour where you are lead to a lot of old buildings and told ghost stories. They are, of course, a lot of fun, and there are several that operate out of New York City around this time of year-- unsurprising considering that New York is an old city filled with lots of history. Two years ago, I went on one such ghost tour with some friends, and was very excited. I figured it might be a little cheesy, but would undoubtedly be a lot of fun, filled with some cool historical anecdotes and some spooky stories.

Our tour met at Washington Square Park, and we were introduced to our tour guide, a kindly older woman named Alice. Alice began the tour by apologizing and letting us know that she was not the usual tour guide-- she was the replacement tour guide who was called in when other people couldn't do it. And while all the other tour guides were actors and performers, she was a teacher. Despite this less than confident introduction, we all had faith in Alice and were sure she would do a great job. We would soon learn, sadly, that she would not do a great job at all.

The tour started off creepily enough. Alice polled the group to ask us who believed in ghosts and who did not. She further asked if anyone could see ghosts and then, most interestingly, asked if anyone on the tour used to see ghosts as a child and had since lost the gift. She explained that she herself was in this category, having experienced supernatural occurrences as a child. We were excited to hear that story, but Alice decided to bring us to our first location.

Alice brought us over to the first stop on the tour-- an old brick building. At this point, we were really amped up-- giddy like children gathered around a campfire. Once the entire tour was together, Alice spoke.

"The greatest tragedy in New York's history was, of course, 9/11." she said.

This put a bit of a damper on things. With that one sentence, all giddiness had subsided. But Alice had more to say on the matter.

"Even now, more than ten years later, people are still affected. Many died that day, and many survivors continue to struggle with medical issues from the attack. Volunteers and relief workers continue to fight for legal compensation for the health issues they face from their selfless efforts."

What the hell, Alice?! I mean, this is all true, and obviously September 11th was a terrible tragedy, but this seemed like a really strange thing to be talking about. We all just sort of stared around awkwardly, unsure of how Alice expected us to be reacting. Alice trudged along with her speech.

"The second greatest tragedy was when a passenger steamboat caught fire and sank in the East River. It is estimated that over one thousand people perished in that devastating accidents, but the exact number is, and forever shall be, unknown."

It was at this point that I grew concerned. We were, after all, nowhere near the East River. Nor were we near Ground Zero. What was Alice talking about?

"The third greatest tragedy was..."

At this point, I remember distinctly having to stifle what would have been an incredibly inappropriate giggle. But I found the thing so ludicrous. It seemed to me that Alice had completely forgotten the point of the tour. There would be no ghost stories this night. She was just going to keep listing terrible things that had happened in New York City until we all decided to go home.

"The five-hundred-and-thirty-second greatest tragedy was this one time when I bought a month-long unlimited Metro Card and lost it a week later and it was really inconvenient."

Luckily for us, this is not what happened. And the third greatest tragedy was actually relevant. (For those who are curious, the third greatest tragedy in New York City history was the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire-- which occurred at the old building we were standing in front of. It's not a particularly funny story, so I won't talk about it here, but if you don't know about it, I highly recommend reading about this important, tragic, and interesting story from history.)

Alice's ghost tour continued in a similarly somber mood. The ghost stories might have been really fun with a more excited storyteller, but as Alice said at the beginning, she was not a performer, and her storytelling was fairly half-hearted. At the end of the story, which, you know, is usually where a scary thing happens, Alice would typically adopt an apologetic tone. After talking about the creepy rumors of various hauntings around downtown Manhattan, she would subsequently say along the lines of "But, you know, maybe not. I don't know, it could be true, but it might not be," which really downplayed the whole point of the tour itself. The entire tour felt, frankly, uncomfortable. At one point, I tried to liven up the tour when we passed by an apartment where, from a partially obscured window, we could see legs moving about. "They're the legs of ghosts!" I cried. "No, those are people that live there," said Alice.

There was also no actual talk of ghosts. Alice encouraged people to take pictures on the ghost tour and said "Maybe some ghosts will appear in the photos. Many ghost experts say that they appear as orbs." We asked Alice to clarify what sort of orbs she was talking about. 

"You know," she said, "orbs of light. Like those little circles you get in photos when the camera has too much glare."
"You mean, those orbs are ghosts?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes that just happens in pictures, though, and the orbs are not ghosts."

Perhaps most frustratingly, it seemed like Alice was never going to talk about the supernatural experiences from her own childhood, which we had all really been looking forward to hearing. One member of our group, Alexis, finally outright asked Alice what sorts of experiences she had had.

"One time, I saw my sister in a room that she wasn't," said Alice. "But then, later, she said that, yeah, she actually was there."

I hate to be too much of a skeptic, especially since I'm not 100% sure what exactly Alice was talking about, but something about that statement implies that the magic of Alice's childhood experiences had been greatly exaggerated.

All in all, it completely failed as a ghost tour. But, it succeeded mightily as an Alice tour. She was absolutely endearing in her misguided efforts, and I must admit that I had a great time in spite of her utter lack of tour-guiding talent.

And so, in Alice's honor, I ordered a drink called The Third Greatest Tragedy. May she continue to list the horrible things that have happened in New York forever and ever, and may she one day figure out if her sister is actually in that room or not.

This one time a bagel dropped on the sidewalk. And that was the eight-thousand-and-fifty-ninth tragedy in the history of New York.

Ordering The Drink: I was out with my friend Arun, who fans of this blog will recognize from when I ordered the Male Pregnancy Test. He mentioned that he knew of a great bar which specialized in the sort of drinks that I order for this blog, so we made our way over to Public-- an acclaimed restaurant in its own right which has a lovely bar area. Sure enough, on their cocktail list, there was a note that if nothing struck your fancy, you could talk to the bartender and they'd make something different for you. As they put it, "We love a great cocktail challenge!" Well, that's what they were going to get.

A waiter came over to take our drink order. I, of course, ordered a drink called The Third Greatest Tragedy (otherwise you wouldn't be reading this blog post) and Arun decided to get in on the action too. While he didn't order a drink based on the name, he asked the bartender to create a drink inspired by the last day of summer. I may be a writer, but Arun is a true poet, apparently. The waiter brought our requests to the bartender and we were certainly excited for our drinks. 

Arun was so excited, he wouldn't stay in focus.

Unfortunately, there was a bit of a complication. One minute after our order had been placed, the bartender came out from behind the bar and approached our table. "WHAT do you want?" he asked? We repeated our request and he laughed. Apparently there had been some confusion (the waiter thought that I had ordered this drink at the bar before and wanted him to recreate it, so naturally he was a bit confused) but after everything was cleared up he returned to the bar and set about crafting our cocktails. In not too long, the drinks were brought to our table.

The bartender at Public crafts our custom drinks.

The Drink:

The Third Greatest Tragedy which, hopefully, would not be a tragedy at all.

Rye

Angostura Bitters

Ramazzotti Amaro

Cynar

Sweet Vermouth

Lemon peel garnish 

Assessment of Drink: This was a very solid drink. And certainly a strong one. And when I say strong, I don't just mean in terms of alcohol content, I mean in terms of boldness of flavor. A lot was going on here-- and it had a certain bitter flavor (although a not unpleasant one). Rye is known for being generally spicier than other whiskeys, and certainly came through here-- this drink showcased the rye very well. The bitterness of the Amaro, Cynar, and angostura bitters were present, but more as a highlight to the rye itself (I was excited that Cynar was used-- it's a really intriguing liqueur made from artichokes). This complimented the rye nicely, and brought out some of the rye's fruitier undertones. I have gotten a lot of lemon peel garnishes for this blog, and this one had another nice, thick slice of rind accompanying it, but this was the drink where I found the lemon most present. The peel was especially fragrant, and that citrusy aroma further enhanced the drink's bitterness. I don't think this would be a drink for everyone, but I must say that as someone who is not usually a fan of specifically bitter drinks, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed this-- it was a lot smoother than I would have imagined (perhaps from the touch of sweet vermouth) and clearly well-balanced. It was bitter, sure, but the bitterness was clearly well-utilized and was oddly comforting and hearty.

Does It Live Up To The Name: Absolutely. While the bartender didn't discuss his intentions behind the drink specifically, it was clear that the bitterness of this drink was meant to symbolize the tragedy. And perhaps the trio of specifically bitter ingredients-- the Amaro, the Cynar, and the Angostura-- was what made this drink the THIRD greatest tragedy. I can't be sure of the intentions, but it definitely worked for me, and made a lot of sense. There was that nice, slight stinging in your throat while drinking any strong cocktail, which made for a more pleasant interpretation of a "tragedy." Not that I would expect any bartender to do this-- especially at a fancy establishment such as Public-- but part of me was worried I would just be given some sort of abomination in a cup and be told "Hey, you asked for a tragedy." I think the bartender at Public found a great balance between living up to the name, and making a delectable drink.

But, if he made the Third Greatest Tragedy well, then this bartender ESPECIALLY nailed Arun's drink inspired by the last day of summer.

The last day of summer in a glass.

This drink was fantastic, and consisted of gin, lemon bitters, vermouth, and aperol. What was great is that it was also a somewhat bitter drink, but the aperol provided a really sweet aftertaste. It tasted like the bitterness of autumn, but still with that memory of the sweet summer. Plus, it was light and refreshing drink, such as one might want to sip on a hot day (and as the days are getting colder, the time for light and refreshing drinks is running short).

Both drinks were very different, and both executed to a tee. I am sure that the regular cocktails at Public are great, but if you, I encourage you to take them up on their offer for a "great cocktail challenge," and let the bartender craft a one-of-a-kind creating. Judging from their successes here, I can't imagine you will be disappointed.

The two custom drinks, side by side.