Drink 45: The Christopher Walken Duck Joke

The Name: The Christopher Walken Duck Joke                                                                                 

The Bar: The Ship (158 Lafayette St., NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: My mom (when she's not caring for African violets or zombie cats) has had an incredibly impressive life working in the theater. Among her many accomplishments, she was one of the first women to ever call herself a sound designer, and even co-wrote what is uniformly considered the most comprehensive text on sound design ever written. And while I could easily go on and on about her importance as a theatrical trailblazer, a perk of her involvement in the theatre is that she has assembled quite a few stories from back in the day

In 1984, my mom was working as the music director on a production of a play called Cinders at the Public Theatre. It's a really great play about a film crew making a documentary about a girl's reform school putting on a production of Cinderella. It's a predominantly female cast, considering that it's set in an all-girl's school. But there are a few male roles, with the most prominent being the role of the documentary's director. In this production he was played by Christopher Walken. Walken is an amazing actor--I know people often say he does the same thing in every movie, but I actually think he's shown a lot of versatility. Yes, he has a distinct way of talking, but he manages to make every role suit his bizarre charm. Plus, he's just magnetic to watch. He has such a great presence, and he's even better on stage (which is where he got his start) than in film. But, he also has a reputation of being incredibly difficult to work with. He's somehow even more unpredictable offstage than on. Pretty much everyone who worked with Walken, especially in the 80's and 90's, has stories about him. About him walking off the stage in the middle of a scene to say something to the stage manager, about him hiding props and costume pieces that he didn't like so he wouldn't have to bring them onstage, etc. My mom has several stories about Christopher Walken, but this one is by far my favorite.

Before one performance, my mom was in the women's dressing room with the rest of the women in the cast, getting ready for the show. All of a sudden, Christopher Walken bursts in, clearly stoned out of his mind. Remember, this is right before a show is about to start. Several of the women tried to cover themselves, and many others yelled, "Chris, what are you doing here?" But he didn't seem to notice. Because he was a man on a mission.

"Girls, girls. I have a joke," he said, in his unusual cadence. Apparently his mission was to tell a joke. Below is the joke, but if you'd rather get the whole experience, you can listen to a recording of me telling the joke in my best Christopher Walken impression here. The joke was:

A duck walks into a pharmacy to buy some lip gloss. The cashier says, "Will that be cash?" And the duck says, "No, put it on my bill."

At this point, Christopher Walken chuckled heartily, then turned around, walked into a wall, and passed out.

Let's get one thing clear: this isn't a good joke. On the surface, it's not particularly funny, clever or interesting. But, when told by Christopher Walken, who afterwards walks into a wall and passes out, it becomes the greatest joke of all time. I think it's the urgency of it. His barging into the dressing room, announcing that he has a joke, shows that in his mind, it was imperative that his fellow cast members be aware of this hilarious piece of wit. And then, there's the fact that Christopher Walken can make anything funny. And the fact that, again, he WALKED INTO A WALL AND PASSED OUT IMMEDIATELY AFTER TELLING THE JOKE. Part of me thinks he wasn't even stoned as my mom suggests. It was just a bit he was trying out and he really committed to it.

This scene is amazing...but it would be even better if afterwards he had walked into a wall and passed out, right?

Ordering The Drink: I have wanted to get a drink called The Christopher Walken Duck Joke ever since I started doing this blog. But I've never ordered one because, even for this blog, it's an absolutely bizarre name. I can't just go anywhere and order a drink called The Christopher Walken Duck Joke, I needed a place that I knew was up to the challenge. Luckily, my friend Pat knows of a great place in Chinatown called The Ship, which specializes in really interesting cocktails. After we each ordered a drink for our first round, I realized that the cocktails at The Ship are especially bold. I got a drink called The Glass Animal, made with bourbon and lemon, that was especially bright and lemony. Pat's drink, called Touch of Evil, was made with mezcal and was really smokey and delicious. Sometimes, cocktails can be really subtle and delicate, but my impression of The Ship was that their drinks opted for more full-on flavor. And that's not a bad thing by any means--while the drinks lacked subtlety, they did have nuance and were incredibly complex. I found the forceful flavor of these drinks really refreshing and it made me excited to try more. Especially because they have a "Bartender's Choice" option on their menu, so I had a feeling that Pat's instincts were right and the bartender would be willing to play along.

After playing the order with our waitress, she asked me to repeat the instructions one more time. Not because she was hesitant, just because she wanted to make sure she conveyed the request to the bartender correctly. After not too long, the drink arrived.

The Drink:

Muddled Orange

Cynar

Lemon Juice

Gin 

Lemon Wedge (for duckbill) 

Assessment of Drink: As soon as the drink was placed in front of me, I laughed. I immediately loved the duckbill made from the lemon wedge. But despite its whimsical appearance, this was a serious drink. When I first heard the words "Muddled Orange," I thought of something more citrusy and fruity. But really, the muddled orange was more bitter than anything else. Kind of like an orange marmalade, with the bite that comes from the rind. And much like marmalade, this was a pleasant bitter flavor, and did definitely taste strongly of orange. Not like orange juice juice, but like actual orange. And while the orange flavor was definitely the most prominent flavor (and gave the drink a pretty amber color) the rest of the ingredients were well chosen. I like Cynar, which helped accentuate the bitterness, and the use of gin was perfect, as it didn't compete against the orange, but also gave the drink more flavor than, say, vodka would have. 

Not only was it a really tasty drink, it was also an unusual one. Sometimes with these cocktails, the drinks feel familiar. It'll taste like a bartender's twist on an Old Fashioned or a Tom Collins or something like that. But The Christopher Walken Duck Joke was quite unlike anything else I've had. Thanks to that delicious muddled orange.

Does It Live Up To The Name: I would have felt this drink met the requirements if only for the appearance. The lemon used as a duckbill was brilliant. And, it was a genuinely funny sight gag, so the garnish itself was a bit of a duck joke. All that the drink needed to do was fulfill the "Christopher Walken" part. Well, I said that this drink "was quite unlike anything else I've had," so that alone meets the Christopher Walken comparison. But more than that, I think that the bitterness of the drink was evocative of Walken and his sort of sarcastic persona. So, it definitely worked. If only the drink had been served in a cowbell, it would have been perfect.

The Ship was great! All the cocktails Pat and I got there were excellent, and I think they really rose to this weird challenge. But, the best part of the experience just might have come the next day, when they contacted Pat to ask how he enjoyed his experience at The Ship. They included a list of drinks we'd had, and there was my strange request right in the description.

Our time at The Ship was definitely a solid smiley face.

Drink 44: Peaseblossom

The Name: Peaseblossom                                                                           

The Bar: Angry Burger Gastropub (4460 Broadway, NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: Few things are as exciting as when friends who had been living in a different city move to your city. I was lucky enough to have this happen to me recently, when two of my closest friends from college, Jeff and Elizabeth, moved to New York City from Boston. And once they arrived, I knew we had to play What's That Drink, and I knew exactly what the drink name would be.

A quick word about Jeff. See, to me and my friends, he's not just known as Jeff. He is known as Jeff the Viking. Because he looks like a viking. Don't believe me? Here is a casual picture of Jeff.

Or, it was taken on Halloween, but it might as well just have been a random Tuesday.

Now, anyone who knows me (or has read this blog before) knows that I work in the theater, and in college, I had the chance to direct my favorite Shakespeare play, A Midsummer Night's Dream. If you don't know the play then you should absolutely check it out--it's one of the funniest and most literally magical things ever written. But for the purposes of this blog, the most important thing to know about the play is that part of it takes place in the land of fairies. Two of the prominent characters are Titania and Oberon, the queen and king of the fairies. Titania in particular goes everywhere with a train of fairies, Cobweb, Moth, Mustardseed, and Peaseblossom. These characters can be, and often are, major presences in the play, but in terms of lines they're definitely minor characters. Their shining moment arguably is when they are each introduced one by one to Titania's newest lover, a terrible actor whose head has been turned into the head of a donkey. I told you this play is weird. Each fairy in turn comes up and proudly announces their name.

For the production I directed, I cast Jeff. Jeff had never acted before or since, but I knew before auditions had even started that I wanted him to play Peaseblossom. I don't even remember when or why this idea came up, but I just thought it would be funny. Cobweb, Moth, and Mustardseed were women and moved about the stage with graceful and balletic movements. And then there was Peaseblossom, played by a large viking who carried an axe. He was essentially like a Bond villain's henchman, acting as the muscle in an incredibly incongruous setting and with the least badass name anyone could possibly think of. Here's a brief excerpt from the play, and I've used punctuation and capitalization to show Jeff's line delivery.

BOTTOM: I cry your worship's mercy, heartily: I beseech your worship's name.

COBWEB: Cobweb.

BOTTOM: I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master Cobweb: if I cut my finger, I shall make bold with you. Your name, honest gentleman? 

PEASEBLOSSOM PEASEBLOSSOM!!!!!

From an artistic standpoint, I justified Jeff's casting by having Peaseblossom essentially act as Titania's bodyguard. But really, this casting choice was just because it was hilarious to have Jeff scream "PEASEBLOSSOM!!!!!" in a loud and booming voice. Because sometimes you don't have to justify a directorial choice with textual evidence. You can just go, "This is funny. We're doing it." Jeff, in turn, threw himself into the role with gusto, and really gave a fantastic performance. Frankly, I've never seen a better or more interesting Peaseblossom since. He really made this bizarre decision work so well, and will always be Peaseblossom, or Peasebee as the cast affectionately nicknamed him, in my eyes.

Peaseblossom, before the show

Ordering The Drink: Jeff and Elizabeth moved to the city in early August, and before they'd even finished unpacking, I insisted we go out for a drink. We went to Angry Burger Gastropub, which was right by their new apartment, and which they'd been intrigued by. And I think it's definitely going to be a new neighborhood favorite. As you'd expect from a place with "burger" and "pub" in the name, they had a good beer selection, and solid burgers. Luckily for me and my mission to order strange cocktails, they also had a full cocktail list which featured some really intriguing options. We were sitting at a table, and our waiter came over to ask if we wanted an extra drink. I explained how I wanted a weird custom cocktail, and he seemed to be amused by the idea. After I explained it, he asked me to repeat the order, because he wanted to make sure he'd explain it to the bartender exactly right. After my second explanation, he still seemed concerned that he might not convey the drink order exactly right (and also had never heard of a peaseblossom, which is fair since it's not exactly a word with everyday usage), so he called the bartender over to our table. The bartender was immediately on board, and also had heard the word "Peaseblossom" before, so he set off to make the drink in Jeff's honor.

The Drink:

Equal parts gin and vodka

Lavender Syrup

Lemon

Orange Bitters 

Lemon peel twist

Assessment of Drink: When the drink was first explained to me, I will admit I was a little bit skeptical. Elizabeth had ordered another lavender cocktail earlier in the evening, which was very similar to this one and which I had found to be a bit too sweet for my tastes. Not bad, but also not necessarily a drink I would order. But after trying the Peaseblossom, all three of us actually found this spontaneous drink to be far more balanced and composed than the one Elizabeth had gotten off the menu. The secret was the orange bitters I think, which along with the lemon, managed to temper the sweetness of the lavender nicely. You could still get the distinct floral flavor, but without it feeling overpowering. It still was certainly a sweeter drink, but it was incredibly refreshing and perfect for a hot summer day.

Does It Live Up To The Name: Absolutely! The name Peaseblossom is instantly light and flowery. That's the whole reason I had cast Jeff in the role, after all, was to play off of the image one gets when hearing this name. I almost expected a drink to show up to the table that would be bright pink. And while this drink wasn't pink, it was certainly playful and light. The lavender really was an inspired choice. He took a drink named after a flower, and added a flower to it. so the dominating flavor of the drink was floral, which works perfectly. I would totally buy that this drink would be called the Peaseblossom. And while you can't really see in the dimly lit picture, it did have a light purple tint, which I think fit the drink's name perfectly. It was a dreamy drink for a midsummer night.

Peaseblossom, about to try the peaseblossom

Drink 39: The Cotton Frog

The Name: The Cotton Frog                                                                                 

The Bar:  Bathtub Gin (132 9th Ave., NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: It's hard to believe that this blog is two years old. Two years ago, I happened to be at a bar with some good friends and, on a whim, ordered a drink with a weird name.

Now, two years and almost 40 drinks later, this has become a thing that I do.

I'm very lucky to have regular readers and many wonderful friends who have fueled my quest to irritate and/or intrigue every bartender I meet with my really weird request. And I would like to thank all of those bartenders who have indulged me and made me weird drinks--it has been heartening to know that my request is almost always greeted with enthusiasm (ALMOST always...) and I've had some really phenomenal and unusual drinks thanks to the many bartenders who have embraced this challenge. It's really been a blast.

And so, of course, I had to get a drink to celebrate the two-year anniversary of the blog. Last year, my friend Ryan and I grabbed a drink to celebrate, since he was present at this blog's creation. And this year, we made plans to meet again, and went to a phenomenal bar called Bathtub Gin. Now, all we needed was a custom name.

For the one-year anniversary, I ordered the Honey Milked From the Teats of Zeus in a blatant attempt to receive the most delicious drink I would ever taste in my life (and the bartender came pretty damn close). This year, I wanted to make it a little more personal. Most people are familiar with the tradition that, for wedding anniversaries, there are different types of gifts you customarily get due based on the number of years being celebrated. So, the one-year anniversary, you traditionally get a gift made of paper. After twenty five years, it's a gift made of silver. After fifty years, it's gold. I did some research and found out the customary two-year present is a gift made of cotton. I also found out that the sixth anniversary present is traditionally a gift of "candy or iron," which is super weird because those are two very different things. But, I figured that cotton would be a great word to include in the drink name. One, it would honor the fact that this blog is two years old. And, secondly, we were going to a bar that specializes in gin drinks. GIN drinks. Get it? Cotton gin? Like the cotton gin?! THE COTTON GIN?!?! Eh? Eh?!?!

That pun is great and you know it. Shut up.

But I needed more to this drink name. And I thought back to the very first What's That Drink cocktail--The Frog Hitler. And so I decided to order a cocktail called The Cotton Frog. This way, I could pay homage to the drink that started this all, and celebrate the two years of ordering weird drinks at once!

And, The Cotton Frog sounds much more appealing than The Cotton Hitler.

Ordering The Drink: Bathtub Gin is a wonderful speakeasy in New York. It's hidden in the wall of Stone Street Coffee in Chelsea, so you can have coffee during the day and then drinks at night. Once you go in, it's a really neat place, which fully embraces the speakeasy theme even more than other hidden bars I've been to. As we were going in, we were informed that there would be a surprise burlesque show that night. We were also told that, because of the burlesque show, we were absolutely not allowed to take any pictures or video. If we were seen using our cell phones, someone from the bar would confiscate it. That was enough for me to not take any pictures.

But if Ryan and I had been there on a non-burlesque night, I would have taken multiple pictures of the cool interior of this place. It has a lovely Victorian theme, and the centerpiece of the whole place is a giant copper bathtub in the middle of the room.

But, most importantly, the drinks were great. I first ordered a gin-based drink called The Sherry Cobbler, since gin is their specialty. But Ryan got a fantastic whiskey based drink and, even better, later got a a fascinating drink served hot that contained ale and sherry and all kinds of great things. It tasted like a fancy beer float crossed with eggnog crossed with a hot toddy. It was beautiful.

And it was really a pleasure watching the bartenders work. The bar was very crowded, even on a Tuesday night, so we didn't get to really study the bartenders, but it was clear that they were crafting these drinks with precision. We saw bartenders lighting orange peels on fire and measuring in fancy beakers and grating nutmeg with a flourish. It was great to watch.

And so I was very glad when the bartender agreed to my drink request for The Cotton Frog. Without hesitation he said, "Alright!" and set to work. In not too long, I got my drink.

The Drink:  

Since I had turned my phone off in fear of the bouncer's warning, I didn't get a picture of this drink, but it looked...for lack of a better word...fluffy. It was white and foamy and delicate. Almost graceful, if you can use such a word to describe a cocktail's appearance. I asked the bartender what was in it, and he began to rattle off the ingredients. But, as I've already mentioned, the bar was crowded, and the noise level was pretty high. When he finished, I said, "I missed all of that," and he jokingly said, "Well that's the only time I'm saying it!" He then repeated the list of ingredients...and I think I got all of them? I'll be honest, I might have missed something. But I'm about 90% sure this is the correct drink recipe. Which is pretty sure, but I still wanted to provide a disclaimer.

Gin

Lime juice

Cream

Egg

Green Chartreuse

 

Assessment of Drink: This was incredible. Really, absolutely delicious. I'm a sucker for cocktails that include lime in them. As one of the more vibrant of the citrus fruits, lime is perhaps the most consistent way to add a dash of acid to a drink, which makes the flavors of the drink bright and refreshing. Also, as acidity tends to do, it serves to highlight the flavors it interacts with, and that's always nice when it comes to cocktails. Especially when you have such a subtle flavor such as gin.

The lime was certainly the most assertive flavor, but not too overpowering. You could still taste the freshness of the cream and the subtle sweetness of the chartreuse. It was, in many ways, a dessert drink. But unlike most dessert drinks, it was not too sweet thanks to the lime.

The texture was also on point--the drink itself had a lot of foam which clung to the sides of the glass and which I licked clean in a most undignified manner. The drink itself, under all the foam, was velvety and buttery and lush, but still quite light and airy.

And, it should be noted, this is the type of drink that only a trained bartender can make. I certainly wouldn't be able to replicate it--especially considering the use of the egg, this drink showcased a lot of skill and know-how.

When I closed out my tab, the bartender asked how the drink was. I thought for a second and said "It was like drinking a key lime pie cloud." I'm pretty happy with that description. It's surprisingly accurate, I think, and it also sounds marketable. "Try The Cotton Frog today, it's like drinking a key lime pie cloud!" This is one of the select drinks I've gotten for this blog where it was good enough that I actually think it could be on the cocktail menu at the bar--if anyone from Bathtub Gin is reading this, consider The Cotton Frog for the next time you change your menu. All the cocktails I tried there were delicious, but I think The Cotton Frog was actually my favorite.

Does It Live Up To The Name: Yes it does! The Cotton Frog was, I think, a deceptively challenging name. It would be easy to show cotton. Even if you don't think of my groanworthy cotton-gin-pun, making a completely white drink would automatically make the word "cotton" make sense. And the word frog would also be easy to show--just make a green drink. But it's impossible to have both a green and a white drink.

The bartender at Bathtub Gin was able to find a way around this. He went with a white drink, but the fact that it had both lime and green chartreuse was enough, to me, to represent the idea of a green frog. So it worked very well. It was both a delicious drink, and an excellent fit for the name.

Bathtub Gin was a really wonderful place. Any bar that you have to enter by going through a hidden panel in a wall is automatically cool, and Bathtub Gin really goes all out with its atmosphere. Unfortunately, Ryan and I left shortly after the burlesque show begins. The bar was busy, and all of the tables where you can actually sit and relax were reserved (definitely try to make a reservation if you plan on going). The room was too crowded and I was too short to be able to see anything. Although I know that the pre-show act did something that involved fire because there was a sudden flash and everyone went "ooooh," and then the first act performed to a very cool cover of Besame Mucho.

But despite our early departure, Bathtub Gin was a rousing success, and the perfect place to celebrate two years of this blog. Many thanks to my readers these past two years--and I look forward to sharing more drinks and more stories with you all!