Drink 12: Comedian Jack

The Name: Comedian Jack                                                                              

The Bar: Quinn's NYC Bar & Grill (356 West 44th st., NYC)

The Story Behind The Name: I consider myself a very rational person. I’m one of those people who tends to not believe something unless I have proof of it. So, for example, I don’t believe in ghosts as every single video I’ve seen of “real” ghosts caught on camera can be easily explained. To be fair, I’ve spoken to rational and trustworthy people who claim to have had encounters with ghosts, and some have told me stories which I can’t easily explain. But in these situations, I prefer to think that there IS an explanation, and I simply don’t have enough information to know what that explanation is. Now, the following story is not a ghost story, but it falls into the same category for me. There is undoubtedly an explanation behind what I'm about to tell you…but I simply don’t have enough information to tell you what it is.

The story takes place many years ago—I'm pretty sure I was in either fourth or fifth grade. My dad works in fundraising and at the time, he worked at Gilda’s Club—a fantastic organization if you don’t know of it. He was putting together a large gala to feature various acts. It was a pretty big project, which is why, one Saturday morning, he had to check his work messages from home.

My mom and I were talking about something or other when, suddenly, one of us noticed my dad. His face was completely red from laughter. But we hadn’t noticed because it was that type of laughter where he was laughing so hard that no sound was coming out at all. Something was, apparently, very funny on the other line. We asked him what it was…a question that we should have known he wouldn’t be able to answer since, at the moment, he couldn’t do far simpler activities. Like breathing. After several minutes, he finally calmed down and regained his composure. He held out the phone and said “Just…just listen.”

The following is, to the best that I can transcribe it so many years later, the message that I heard on the phone. There are a lot of ellipses used in this transcription. Every time you see one, it means that there was a significant pause in the voicemail. Like, a two or three second pause. And if that doesn’t sound like a long time, actually count out three seconds every time you see the ellipsis. Got it? Are you ready? Here we go:

“My name…is Jack…I am…comedian…I want…to be…in your show…I am comedian…I can be reached at…212…4 I am comedian……5264…My name is Jack…32…My name is…Jack…I want to be in your show…I am comedian…I want to be in your show."

Now, as I said, I heard this message so many years ago and there’s no way that I can remember it exactly. The phone number is definitely made up. But, I feel I did a good job with the transcription. Especially because it’s basically just the same three phrases over and over again—repeated in a seemingly random fashion. Other than the phrases “My name is Jack,” “I am comedian,” and “I want to be in your show,” the only other thing Jack says here is his phone number…and EVEN THEN HE INTERRUPTS HIMSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PHONE NUMBER to say “I am comedian.” And while I don’t remember the phone number, I do remember how he told it. He definitely said “I am comedian” in the middle of the number…and divided it up in a weird way so that you kind of had to hear the message twice to actually figure out the correct phone number.

Now, as I said, I don’t know the full story here. It is very possible that I should not be making fun of Jack at all. It’s possible—probable, even—that English is not his first language. And I really do not intend to mock anyone just for not being able to speak a second language, ESPECIALLY as I do not speak another language myself. It’s further possible that Jack is a noble man with a dream: a dream of being a stand-up comic, and he can think of no better way to start than by volunteering his gift for charity. It’s even possible that the message was meant to be a joke. My family and I were certainly laughing—maybe that was the point? Maybe this message was left in character, as an accurate example of how funny he could be.

But I don’t know. I don’t know if any of these explanations are true. I don’t know if more than one of these explanations are true. I don’t know if none of these explanations are true-- maybe it’s something else entirely. Maybe it was a prank call. I just don’t know. And that's all part of the mystique of Jack the comedian. Jack is a man of mystery. This brief voicemail message is the only thing we ever learned about Jack (my dad, for some reason, did not elect to call him back to include him in the gala). In fact, I know exactly three things about Jack:

1. His name is Jack.
2. He is comedian.
3. He wanted to be in my dad’s show.

That’s it. That’s all we know. I warned you at the beginning that this story has no explanation. It's one of the great mysteries encountered throughout history: crop circles, stonehenge, and a voicemail left by a guy who claims to be named Jack.

Frankly, as much as I don’t believe in that kind of stuff, I wouldn’t be all that surprised to learn that there’s a supernatural reason behind Jack’s message. Maybe Jack is a ghost, speaking from beyond the veil, but he can only deliver his message in twenty words or less. Hence how important it is to make sure we really understand the main points of his message. Maybe he’s an extra-terrestrial, who is still getting a handle on human syntax.

"We come in peace. We want to be in your show."

All I know is that the message was one of the funniest and strangest things I’d ever heard in my life at that point…and it continues to be until this day. Even now, my parents and I still quote the odd voicemail sometimes. He may not have been in the show, but like any good comedian, Jack succeeded in making a lasting impression.

While some comedians have been unable to make an impression of any sort, despite having inexplicably prolific careers.

 

Ordering The Drink: Fans of the blog will remember my friend Kenny, who has shown up several times, and had a drink made in his honor with the Evil Rapping Clown. Well, the other night, I went to see Kenny in a play. Worryingly, he was once again playing a creepy clown. Many actors fear getting typecast. Few worry about getting typecast specifically as an evil clown.

You can visit the show's website here.

Afterwards, a group of Kenny's friends and fans went out to a bar next door called Quinn's. I was, admittedly, a bit skeptical of the type of drink I would receive. The bar was perfectly nice and we all had a great time-- it was a reliable theater district bar. But my impression was that beer was the main item on the menu here-- just like another bar where I received the only definitively bad drink I've gotten for this blog thus far. That's why I chose to assign this bartender the Comedian Jack-- because it struck me as a really easy name to make a drink for. If you put Jack Daniel's in it you'll meet the challenge. As long as the bartender didn't combine it with something awful-- like chocolate milk, dish soap, or sorrow-- then I would probably be fine.

Unfortunately, as I ordered the drink, I became afraid that such a drink would be coming my way after all. The bartender was a sullen man-- not old, but older than a lot of the bartenders I've had thus far. Again, just like the last time I received a bad drink. And, for the first time since I started this blog, I almost thought he would deny the request. When I explained my request, he just kind of stared at me blankly. "What's the drink name, again?" he asked with more than a hint of edge in his voice. "A Comedian Jack," I replied, trying to come across as friendly and unirritating as possible. As he continued to stare at me, I reminded him that he didn't have to do it if he didn't want to, to which he responded, "No, I can do it." And went about making the drink.

To keep myself from feeling too nervous about the drink, I took the time to snap a bad photo of our table from the bar.

Luckily I didn't have to wait for long. Soon, he was back and...amazingly, was all smiles. "Here you go!" he cheerily announced, "a Comedian Jack!" The change was somewhat alarming. The once sullen and cranky bartender was suddenly downright enthusiastic and pleasant and amiable. My guess is that he just had a long shift and I caught him at a bad time at first-- which is totally understandable. It's also possible that, when I wasn't looking, his other bartender had performed a terrifying Stepford Wives-like procedure on him.

"Why Beth, this Jack Daniels and Sorrow is delicious!"

The Drink:

The Comedian Jack

Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey Whiskey

Ginger Ale

Sour Mix

Lime garnish

Assessment of Drink: Showing that you shouldn't judge a bar by its cover, this drink was really delicious! It, of course, helps that I'm a big fan of Jack Daniel's Honey. As far as whiskey's go, it's certainly not the most authentic or potent or even whiskey-like, but it's a delicious liquor to sip, and I feel like even people who don't usually love whiskey would enjoy this one. I've heard it dismissed as being "Whiskey Lite" in the past, but it's delicious and that's what should be most important. I highly recommend it.

This is a simple cocktail, but the other two ingredients work really well with it. The honey whiskey  is, unsurprisingly, predominantly sweet. That sweetness works perfectly with the spiciness of the ginger ale and the sourness of the sour mix. That's a complex flavor profile there, and I like it! It still errs on the side of sweet, of course, but not too overpoweringly so. Really great stuff-- and it's one that would be easy to make at home.

Does It Live Up To The Name: As I mentioned before, this was an easy name to make a drink out of, and the bartender met my expectations. The presence of Jack Daniel's makes the drink fit the name pretty well-- I could definitely see this drink be listed on a drinks menu under its assigned name. There's nothing particularly "funny" about it to imply that this Jack is specifically a comedian, but I don't mind too much. It still worked.

But, maybe since I'd just seen Kenny play a creepy clown and therefore had the Evil Rapping Clown on the brain, I will admit I was hoping for a maraschino cherry garnish-- to represent the clown nose as it did in that drink. That would have been a nice touch-- even though it would have suggested clown instead of comedian. And those are two different things.

Well, usually.

 Overall, it was a great drink, and a great bar. Bars are a dime a dozen around the theater district and Hell's Kitchen, but Quinn's proved to be an above average watering hole. If you need a good reliable bar in the area, I'd certainly recommend it.

Drinks with friends after a show-- nothing is better. Kenny seems happy, and he wasn't even aware the picture was being taken.